One Really ScrewedUp Kirby Story
by King-Dedede114
Summary: Don't be fooled, the story ain't over yet!!! Check back later for the sequel!!! Some parts changed due to complaints by MK lovers
1. The Screwed Up Journey begins

My Kirby Story, Part 1, chapter 1  
  
King Dedede: Blue penguin, Santa clothes, red & yellow pattern wrapping around his body, King of Dreamland. Kirby: Pink ball, oval red feet, stubby arms. Escargoon: Lavender- colored snail. Dark green shell, Grey goatee. King dedede's assistant Tiff: Kirby's friend. Girl /w/ Purple & green clothes. Blonde-headed. Tuff: Tiff's bro. Overalls, blue & yellow hair.  
  
END OF CAST OF CHARACTARS  
  
"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!" King Dedede woke Up to the ringing of an alarm clock. He was dreaming of Different ways to Kill that annoying dog next door. He was up to 612 when he was rudely awaken. He fumbled around trying to hit the d*mn thing, when he remembered, "Hey, wait just a d*mn minute! I don't have an alarm clock!" He scratched his fanny and stood up. "Where the bloody heck is that incessant ringing coming from?" He asked. Then he realized, " THAT FREAKIN' PHONE!!! He grabbed the phone and chunked the stupid thing out the window. It hit a drunk bum in the head. He stood up and stretched and then he noticed that someone had pinned a note to his hiney. How they got the pushpin in without him noticing, I don't know. He pulled the pin out and grabbed the note. it said:  
  
Dear King Dedede, I think you are the world's cutest cock( Hey, don't give me that look, that's what he is! really, I looked it up.) And you are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. yours for the taking, ??? Well, he was red by the end of the note. who sent it? He started to bounce down the hall singing, "I've got a mystery giiiiiiiirlfriend!" Then he fell down 3 flights of stairs and sang, "I need to look where i'm bouuuuuuuuncing- Ouch..."  
  
***  
  
"GREASE IS THE WORD IT HAS MOOD IT HAS FEELING...GREASE IS THE WORD..." Kirby woke up to his radio/alarm clock singing "grease is the word". He punched the shutoff button and the song stopped in mid-word, "GREASE IS THE TIME IS THE PLA- click! "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnn..." Kirby set a new world record for the world's longest yawn, and got out of bed to take a shower. He grabbed the soap, a towel, and some roses. First, he went to the toilet and flushed the roses. (He did this for good luck. I don't know why, but it worked.) Then he got in the shower and began to sing. "NINETY-NINE RED BALLOONS FLOATING IN THE SUMMER SKY-Y..." Suddenly, he heard a sound in his house! he turned around really fast to open the curtain and look out, but he dropped the soap and slipped on it. He wildly grabbed for something to stop him from falling and grabbed the curtain, pulling it down on himself and conking himself in the head with the rack on which the curtain was hanging. He muttered a disgusting swear word just before he passed out.  
  
***  
  
"WAKE UP YOU LAZY CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!! " Escargoon woke up with a start. he knew that when he had that guy program an alarm clock into his computer, he had been mad at him for backseat instructing, but not THIS mad. He stood up and yawned as loud as he could. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!!! He prided himself on his loudest yawn yet. Then he realized he really needed to, shall we say, "Liberate a certain yellow liquid". so he began to crawl to the bathroom, when he saw King Dedede dancing down the hall. "Weird..." thought Escargoon, "The last time I saw him this happy, he was drunk!" he continued his long and brave trek to the pot. as he walked down the hall, he imagined himself as a brave soldier, mapping the long and treacherous path to the holy bathrooms of the Xazouvazzuzazziq people. (Author's note: No, he wasn't on anything, he was just suffering the effects of long- term boredom.) He was a brave and noble soldier, embarking on a quest only reserved for the top-of-the-line, true blue, heroic adventurer. one who could give out as much abuse as he took. (Which he was good at.) then he realized, he passed the bathroom five minutes ago. He decided not to tell the seargant about this. as he came to the bathroom door, he remembered the foul, vicious, terrible beast that stalked the holy bathrooms of the Xazouvazzuzazziq people. He had to think, face the beast, or run? he went in and...  
  
***  
  
Tiff walked into Kirby's house. She'd been up since 3 'o' clock, and was looking for someone who might have some sleeping pills. As she walked in, she heard a sound, "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-*Slip!* AIEEEEEEEEE! *Tear* fwap! CLANG! *clatter, clatter!* 'Sh*t' Thud." then the shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (Running water) sound continued as if nothing happened. She ran to the bathroom and found Kirby lying unconcious on the floor. "Oh, no! Judging by the sounds I heard, He was sleeping in the shower, when an intruder turned the water on and slipped, waking Kirby up, tore the curtain down, threw it over him, hit him with the curtain rod, dropped it on his foot, said a swear word in a cute voice, and then Kirby fainted!!" She called the cops, (Despite the fact that she had the story completely wrong except for the fainting part.) and began yelling to the police officers on the phone her crazy, hysterical story. She then ran out of the bathroom, slipped on a rug, slid into a pot of red finger paint and a bag of flour, dumped them all over herself, hit the floor and fainted.  
  
***  
  
Tuff woke up. he was in a closet. he remembered that he had been playing hide and seek with tiff, and had fallen asleep in the closet. he stood up, yawned, stretched, and opened the door. he realized he had been in Kirby's closet. as he walked down the hall, he remembered that him and kirby had been there, playing hide and seek with Tiff. she had had to go home when she realized that she couldn't stay the night with a boy outside the family, if you know what I mean. If you don't, consult me. as he walked into the living room, he realized that the sound of running water was coming from the bathroom. he didn't hear singing or scrubbing, so he cautiously crept into the bathroom and found an unconcious Kirby with a big purple lump on his head."AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" he screamed and went out to tell someone what happened. as he was screaming and running to the living room, he saw tiff, covered in "blood" and lying on the floor."AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! he screamed again, this time like a girl in a voice two octaves higher than normal, and ran outside. he continued to run to the police station. he ran through the woods like a cheetah with its butt on fire, and continued screaming like a little girl. just as he was about to exit the woods, he plowed into a chestnut tree at full speed, and fainted as he hit the ground.  
  
***  
  
"I'M GONNA MAKE IT AFTER A-AAAAAAAAAAAALL!!" King Dedede sang, and he threw his hammer into the air. Then he realized what a stupid thing he had just done, covered his head with his arms, and ran out of the way as it came down. "Ahem..." he said, and continued eating his lucky charms, when he saw... a MOUSE in his cereal. He grabbed it and threw it off the table. "Styewpid rahts, their alwees tryin' ter git me lucky charms." He said in an irish accent and laughed at his own little joke. It wasn't very funny but it was clever. as he ate his cereal, he began to get weird thoughts. "Hmmmmmmmm... I wonder if I can levitate this bowl with my mind..." He began to concentrate hard on the table with his eyes closed. he waited and waited for the table to move. Just then, he bumped the table with his spoon, and moved it (The bowl, not the spoon.) about 2 inches off the table when the bowl jumped from the force of the quick movement of the table. "YES!!!" he yelled, "I DID IT! IT WAS ONLY FOR A SECOND, BUT I DID IT!!" He continued jumping and cheering until he kocked the table over. "Oops..." He picked up the table, set it back up, got a new bowl of cereal, and sat down. That's when he heard a scream, "AAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" He jumped up and ran to the bathroom where he had heard the scream come from. Escargoon was cowering in the bathtub screaming like a girl, and shaking. King Dedede instantly knew what was wrong. he grabbed Escargoon, pulled him out of the tub, and into the hall. Escargoon was still screaming so King Dedede slapped him hard across the face to bring him back to his senses. Escargoon shook his head and stopped screaming. He was panting and King Dedede could tell that he was scared to death. "Let me guess" he said, "That octopus monster tried to pull you in again." "Pant, pant.... Yes... He almost got me..." Escargoon had Had this problem Every since the Octorok from episode one laid an egg in the commode. "Escargoon, you can't just let him scare you like that! If you don't get him out sooner or later, He could suck you in and pull you into the pipes..." "Please, stop, you're going to make me have heart palpitations!!" said Escargoon. King Dedede continued, "And he'll wrap you in his tentacles and suck your head until you beg to die..." "Shutup, shutup, shutup!!" Escargoon covered the sides of his head and screamed. King Dedede still went on, "And he'll slow roast you with his flames..." "SHUTUP, SHUTUP, SHUTUP!!!" Escargoon was screaming loudly. "And then he'll pull you out of your shell, so you'll be naked..." "SHUTUP, SHUTUP, SHUTUP!!!" by now, he was on the floor. "And then he'll begin to separate your light & dark meat..." "SHUTUP, SHUTUP, SHUTUP!!!" Escargoon was writhing on the floor, and looked like he wanted to murder King Dedede. However, King Dedede still went on, "And then he'll eat you while you're screaming for mercy until you land in the depths of-" Escargoon opened his mouth, took a deep breath, and screamed as loud as he could, "IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR BIG, STUPID, WIDE, HUGE, ENOURMOUS MOUTH, I'LL GUN YOU DOWN WITH A FULLY- AUTOMATIC MACHINE GUN, YOU JERK!!!!!!!!" The force of the scream blew King Dedede's hat off and even blew him back 6 feet. Though King Dedede could order Escargoon put to death, he didn't cuz he enjoyed doing this to him. He decided he'd better quit while he was ahead. Then he said, "Okay, what can we do to get rid of our little calamari friend?" Escargoon thought. Then he began to wail, "Oh, it's hopeless! I'll never be able to get him out! I'll be eaten alive and painfully digested!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Well, King Dedede just now saw how stupid he had been, and began trying to calm Escargoon down. "Ok, ok, now, calm down, that rarely ever happens! I was just trying to gross you out! and even if it does happen, I'm sure being eaten won't be so bad!" Escargoon cried harder, "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" King Dedede slapped his hand over his eyes and yelled over Escargoon's loud wails, "Calm down! What I meant to say is, It probably WON'T happen-" "PROBABLY?!?!?!" Escargoon yelled. Needless to say, this time, he came unglued. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! King Dedede knew he had to calm him down, or else he might go off the deep end. So he hauled of and slapped Escargoon in the face so hard that spit went flying. He shook his head and rubbed his face. "Sorry, sorry.... I guess I went a little crazy there. You did bring me back to my senses, but I'm pretty sure you just killed off alotta brain cells." He said. "I'm sorry, what did you say? I wasn't listening." King Dedede asked. "I said................... I forgot." Escargoon said.  
  
***  
  
Kirby woke up with a horrible headache. He was awake with his eyes closed, but he saw, through his eyelids, that there was a light above him. "Have I died and gone to heaven?" He asked, although it sounded more like, "Haff eye dyed an gontoo heffen?" He opened his eyes. No it wasn't heaven. "Aw, crud. I've gone to h*ll." He said. It sounded like, "aa cwud eyef gontoo hill." Then a voice said, "No, you're in the hospital." "Whah thee hill?" Said Kirby. He shouldn't have said that. It was not a nice thing to say. The nurse looked him over. "You can probably go home today, but your friend they found in the woods has to stay longer, because of the severity of HIS concussion." Kirby jumped up, "eyef godda go zee heeyim!" "Not now you won't!" said the nurse, "Not until the doctor says it's okay, now lie down!" "Yew bish" said Kirby. "Don't make me take your temperature with this candy thermometer!" said the nurse, holding up this HUGE thermometer, and Kirby shut up.(If you don't get it, consult me.) He lay back wondering if Tiff knew about her brother. So he asked the nurse, "Duss Diff noe ubbowd her brudder?" The nurse turned around. "Funny you sould ask" She said, "Tiff was found covered in blood in your house..." "Id by howz?!?!?!" Kirby exclaimed, "Budd how?!?!?!" "Let me finish!" said the nurse, "Anyway, they took her to the ambulence only to find that she was covered in paint and flour, not blood, but she did have a slight concussion, so they took her in. she got out an hour ago." Just then tiff walked in. "I'm here to see Kirby." She said. "Diff!" Kirby said, "Diddyew heer ubboud your brudder?" "Yes" Tiff said, "apparrently, he was sleepin' in your house, when he saw us and ran to get help, and that's when he was injured. we still don't know who or what did it. probably the guy who injured you." "Nowwun innjerd mee!" Kirby said, "eye herd yew cumm een aneye droppt thee zope an zlippt onnid. thee curdan vell down ann overr mee, an then thee rag vell an hid mee od thee hed, eye zwor ad id enn eye fainded!" "Oh." said Tiff, "The police were royally p*ssed at me when they told me you weren't attacked, that your concussion was a result of your own stupidity." "Thoze Bazzderds!!!" He said, "Thaye shood tock! Thoze buddheds done eben noe how too doo there jobs! Thay are freegin' idiuss!" "Watch your mouth." Said Tiff . Then the Doctor comes in. "Kirby" he said, "You can leave now. If you want, you can go see your friend in room 341B in the head trauma ward." Kirby Jumped up and ran to the room Tuff was in. "Duff!" he said, "Whoo hid yew?" "Doe wud hid bee" said tuff, in a voice even more distorted than Kirby's, "I rad iddoo a dree." "Yer boyss id werss dan bine." said Kirby. "Dats cuss eye hid a dree add dine huddredd biles ad owwer widd by hedd." said Tuff.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, King Dedede was Lying on his back in the floor, blowing one of his feathers up and down in the air. He'd been doing this for 6 hours now. "Gee," he thought, "I wonder who has been sending me those love notes. Whoever it is probably won't admit it and- ACK!" He sat up coughing and heaving because he'd sucked in the feather. Escargoon ran in when he heard the coughing, took one look, and tried to do the heimlich. When he discovered that King Dedede's belly was too big, he went to get the tank. While he was gone, King Dedede ran to the chair, threw himself over the back and coughed up the wet, phlegmy feather, and then some. When Escargoon came to get him, he told him it was okay. "But you still need medical attention." said Escargoon. "No I don't." Said King Dedede "But what if some of the feather is still stuck in your lung?" "So?" "You could choke again." "Yeah?" "Um... While we're there, you can cough on the sterile surgical gloves." "Let's go!" So they got into the tank and left. While King Dedede was riding shotgun, he began to sing a jump roping chant under his breath:  
  
"You came home puking, weaving, I suggest that you be leaving. You just looked blitzed and stinking, What the h*ll have you been drinking? I'm guessing it was turpentine, That's why you are barfing slime. I'm guessing that you did cut class, someone needs to arrest your *ss Vodka, gin, rum, scotch, beer, Don't bring that junk into here. Wine, sake, hard lemonade, You need AA I'm afraid. Bloody mary, dry martini, You are such a stupid weenie. Tequila, and margarita, This chant is, Bittersweeta How many shots, can he take? 1 shot, 2 shot, 3 shot, 4, You are passed out on the floor!  
  
When they pulled into the hospital parking lot, They ran inside and went up to the receptionist, who was a little bit screwy. The conversation went like this:  
  
King Dedede: I'm here for a lung X-ray.  
  
Receptionist: Sir, there are no bones in your lungs. I dont think you have to worry about a broken lung.  
  
King Dedede: Broken lung? What the heck are you talking about?  
  
Receptionist: You can't break a lung because there are no bones in it. Unless you broke a rib and it's stuck in your lung.  
  
King Dedede: Broken rib? Lung bones? Where the heck are you getting that idea? I never said anything about ribs or bones!  
  
Receptionist: Sir, a rib IS a bone. And it's not part of your lung.  
  
King Dedede: I never said it was! I said I'm here for a lung X- ray, and there are no bones in my lungs!  
  
Receptionist: Exactly.  
  
King Dedede: EXACTLY WHAT?!?!?! I'M HERE FOR A CHEST X- RAY AND I DON'T HAVE A RIB STUCK IN MY LUNGS!!!  
  
Receptionist: Oh, so NOW it's a chest X- ray. I think you're just trying to bug me.  
  
King Dedede:IF YOU DONT GET ME IN THERE RIGHT NOW FOR A CHEST X- RAY, I SWEAR I'M GOING TO STAPLE A FLAG TO YOUR BUTT AND HANG YOU BY YOUR TONGUE ON A FREAKIN' RUSTY FLAG POLE!!!  
  
Needless to say, the receptionist got him down to the radiology lab for a chest X- ray. The rest of the period in the waiting room was uneventful, except King Dedede went and coughed on the sterile surgical gloves.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Kirby, Tiff, and Tuff were sitting in the waiting room because they had just heard King Dedede was there, and wanted to know if he was planning to give any fatal diseases to anyone in the hospital. This is were the two stories meet. They heard a doctor saying, "Okay King Dedede, There was no feather, but you sure are as phlegmy as all get out. I'll perscibe some medication to get rid of all that snot in your lungs." He handed him a piece of paper, and King Dedede walked out only to have Tiff, Tuff, and Kirby corner him and say, "Alright, you! What are you planning, and why are you suddenly becoming addicted to perscription decongestants?" "What the H*ll are you talking about? I was just here to be X- rayed because..." He trailed off. "Because what?" said Tiff. He took a deep breath and said (Quickly), "Iwaslyingonthefloorthinkingandblowingoneofmyownfeathersintheairandiaccedent allysuckedinthefeatherandwheni cougheditupicameheretomakesureididn'thaveanypiecesofthefeatherstillstuckinmy lungsandwhenthedoctorsawhowphlegmyiwashegavemetheperscription." He took a breath, "Does that answer your question, you little rats?" "Yes." said Tiff. Then suddenly, they heard a loud scream. A man ran out of the women's restroom and out the door down the street. King Dedede, Kirby, Escargoon, Tiff, and Tuff all ran to the womens restroom. There was another man in there who was holding a knife. "King Dedede! Stop him!" said Kirby King Dedede took one look at the horrible scene in front of them. There was no word horrible enough to describe what was in the floor "Ugh!" he said. he turned away and tried to catch the guy, but he was so mezmorized by the sight of all the gore that he missed. A doctor runs in and sees the gory scene. "What happened in here?!?!?!" asks the doctor. "We saw a guy run out of this bathroom, so we came in, found his partner, tried to stop him, he got away, and- King Dedede, what are you doing?" "his eyes were wide, his head was lolling around, and he was mumbling. "So... Much... Gore..." Then he turned a shade of green normally only seen in houseplants. "Excuse me!" He said. Then, clutching his chubby belly in his hands, he ran to the nearest stall, and......................... Well, all I will say is that there were plenty of disgusting sounds coming from the stall. (Once again, if you don't understand, consult me.) "Ewwwww..." Said Tiff. It sounds like a barroom bathroom in here!" "Or that bachelor party that Chief Bookum busted up that year!" Said King Dedede's shaky voice from the stall. Then Chief Bookum busts in and sees the horrible scene in front of him. "Good Lord!" he said, "This looks like a scene from those 'Psycho' Movies!" He turned to Tiff and asked,"Were you four the only ones who saw the guys who were involved flee the scene?" "Five" said Tiff, "King Dedede's in the first stall.... Um... Shall we say, "Forcefully ejecting his breakfast the same way it came in." "Huh?" Said Chief "He's "heaving forth" said Tiff "What?" said Chief "Of for the love of- Okay, I'll say this VERY slowly so you can comprehend. King... Dedede... Is... In... The... First... Stall... Barfing." "YECH!!" said Chief Bookum "T.M.I., TIFF!!!" Yells King Dedede, apparently embarrased. Chief Bookum got a funny look and paused. "I'm not sure quite how to ask this... but... we need your help. All of you." "Why?" said Tiff "Come with me and I'll show you... after King Dedede finishes barfing.  
  
***  
  
When they got to the police station, Chief Bookum began to explain. "We have heard reports of a ghost wandering the woods that supposedly possesses it's victims' minds by giving them the worst torture of tortures." "You mean...?" said King Dedede. "Yes." said Chief, "It makes them watch movies starring Anna Nicole Smith for hours on end." King Dedede shuddered, "Blasphemous." he said. "What do you want us to do?" asked Tuff. "I want to know if you will search the woods for any signs of paranormal activity." said Chief. King Dedede balked at first, "I don't know... I'm really not on friendly terms with these guys, and I've never been camping before." "Aw, come on!" said Tiff, "We need someone strong to protect us! And that means you'd get to beat the ever-living crap out of anyone who crosses us. Plus we'd get to tell scary stories." King Dedede paused in an unsure way. "And we could play vicious practical jokes on the locals." "Okay, I'm convinced." said King Dedede. "Great!" said Cheif, "You leave tomorrow.  
  
End of Chapter 1 


	2. Of Packing, Dumb Songs, and Vicious Prac...

Chapter 2: A Screwed up chapter mostly on packing.  
  
First of all, I'd like to thank Kirbster for her positive review~.^Also, I forgot to metion in the last chapter that I do not own Kirby and co. or the Psycho movies, or in this chapter, I do not own SSB.  
  
"Okay" says King Dedede," I've got my sleepin' bag, my pillow, my medical kit, my hammer, my..." The list went on and on, "My change of clothes, my change of hats, my-" Suddenly, The author breaks in. "Excuse me, King Dedede, but this is the opening scene, and you're hogging way too much of it. not only that, but you never gave back my copy of Super Smash Brothers when you were done with it." "Well" said King Dedede "You're the one typing this story, so it's your fault, plus YOU stole my name. And I'm not giving the game back until you tell me what you did with my tank." King Dedede crossed his arms and gave the author(me) a raspberry. I make that sign for "Crazy". You know, when you spin your finger around in front of your ear? King Dedede stands up, "Take that back!" I follow suit, "No!" Well, King Dedede got royally PO'd, if you'll pardon the pun, and lifted his hammer over my head, "Take it back now, or i'll smash your brains in!" I remain cool and collected. "You can't hurt me. I've got a secret weapon." then I jump up and begin to tickle King Dedede around the ribs. "NO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don't- HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! Stop tickling me!! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! After I stopped Tickling, he jumps up, "Okay you snotty little brat!! I'm gonna- Oh, crap, where's my hammer?!" I hold it up with both hands. "I've got it, and I'm gonna keep it, HA HA HA!" He begins to run after me, "GIVE THAT BACK, YOU LITTLE CREEP! I SWEAR, WHEN I CATCH YOU I'M GONNA...  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, while I was running from King Dedede, Escargoon was doing his packing. "Let's see, I've got dried food, water, sunblock, and I'm definetely not packing any lab samples, since that time I turned King Dedede into a frog on accident. Then he remembered, Oh, crap! I forgot my medical kit! it's in the bathroom! He walked (If you can call it that) to the bathroom and began to search for the medical kit. "Where is it, Where is it, Where is it?" He asked himself. then he saw it. It was on the shelf next to a tube of hemmoroid cream. (Don't ask.) He reached up for the kit and grabbed it off the shelf only to have the octorok nip him in the butt. Needless to say, he went nuts and began to scream like a girl. "AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" He darted out of the bathroom in a speed not normally seen in snails, screaming,"HELP, HELP, IT'S GOT ME, IT'S GOT ME, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, OH GET IT OFF PLEASE, IT'S GONNA KILL ME, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! He barrled down the hall continuing to scream at sound levels that came pretty darn close to breaking the sound barrier. he grabbed a fire poker, ran into the bathroom, and began to frantically beat the toilet with it. As he was trying to kill the monster, he screamed, "DIE DIE! DIE YOU FILTHY DENZIEN OF THE UNDERWORLD!" King Dedede runs in after he got me to hand over his hammer by promising me I'd get to beat Metaknight with a hassock after the fanfic is finished and sees Escargoon beating the pot. He dashes over to him and grabs the poker. "Put the poker down, PUT THE POKER DOWN!!" He grabs it and throws it away, pulls him away from the toilet , and once again, slaps Escargoon so hard across the face that spit, plus a little bit of blood goes flying out of his mouth. Escargoon shakes his head. "Sorry, sire. I saw the terrible beast of darkness again." "If you're talking about the octopus, it can't hurt you, unless it turns giant, so you shouldn't be afraid of it." said King Dedede. Escargoon put his hand to his head, "Oh, wow, I think I've got brain damage. "Why don't you let me make you some chicken soup?" "That's not even funny King Dedede!!!" King Dedede walked Into the Kitchen only to find that there was no ice. so he grabbed a pack of frozen peas and brought them to Escargoon, whose head was lolling from side to side as he tried to keep from fainting. "Here" He said, "I couldn't find any ice, so I brought some frozen peas." Escargoon put the frozen peas to his head. "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..." Escargoon was asleep. King Dedede poured the water from a nearby flower vase all over Escargoon's head. He woke up. "Why did you do that?" He asked. "I just saved your life." said King Dedede.  
  
***  
  
Tiff was packing her backpack so full that it looked like it weighed at least 300 pounds. "Let's see, I've got everything I need, plus a few books. Tuff! what did you pack?" Tuff came in dragging an empty backpack. "I haven't packed anything yet. I don't know what I should pack for a long camping trip like this one." "Um, Did it ever occur to you to bring food?" Said Tiff. "Uh... no..." said Tuff "Or a change of clothes?" "No..." "Or medical supplies?" "um..." "Or water, or toilet paper, or a survival book, or-" Okay, Okay, I Get It!! said Tuff. "I'll pack all of that stuff!" Then Kirby waddles in, "Um, Guys? I have a problem. I can't fit my water in my backpack." Tiff rolls her eyes and says, "Y'know Kirby, If you didn't try to fit a barrel in your backpack, you might be able to at least pack some food too." "Gotcha." says Kirby, "I'll bring a canteen, and some food." Sir Ebrum & Lady Like come in. "Well, do you have enough food? asks Lady Like, "I know Kirby loves to eat." "Yes mom." says Tuff. "We made sure we have enough food." "Hey" says Tiff, "I just thought of something! What If one of us needs hospital treatment? You know for a snakebite or something?" Sir Ebrum hands Tiff a digital phone. "If you or your friends are injured, just call 911. It also comes in handy for ordering pizza." "Now how would they find us?" says Tuff. "Ummmmmm..." Sir Ebrum Didn't know how to answer that. "D*mn straight." says Tuff. "TUFF EBRUM!!!" says Lady Like, "YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH, OR I WILL WASH IT OUT WITH SOAP!!!" Tuff cowered, "Sorry, Mom. I won't say it again." Kirby had just finished packing his lunch, plus some water. "Let's go!" he said, "King Dedede is probably waiting for us at the door!"  
  
***  
  
After a few Kisses goodbye, and a whole lotta trouble trying to get all the bags out to the tank, everybody got into the tank and sat down. Escargoon was driving, King Dedede rode shotgun, and everyone else sat in the back trying not to fall off the back. Suddenly, King Dedede began to sing a song with some of the lyrics mangled. It went like this:  
  
"back on the road again, feelin' kinda lonely and lookin' for the right place, to get by. Friends say I'm crazy cuz, easily I fall in love, gotta get some boys here, this time. Maybe we'll meet at a bar, He'll drive a funky car-"  
  
"King Dedede?" said Escargoon, "Pick something else to sing. That's a girl's song" So King Dedede made up a limerick:  
  
"There was a snail named Escargoon, who dumpster dives like a raccoon, He sat on his *ss, Right on broken glass, and Couldn't sit down till June."  
  
Escargoon got mad, "You said you wouldn't talk about that anymore!!" Then he got even by singing:  
  
"A Penguin named King Dedede, desparately needed to pee, that night we were paired, Because he got scared, He needs to cut down on iced tea."  
  
(A/N: If you saw that episode of Kirby: Right back at ya! where the "ghost" is haunting King Dedede, You know what he's talking about.)  
  
King Dedede made up a short song:  
  
"Escargoon is here to stay, Even though he's really gay!"  
  
Escargoon made one up to the same tune:  
  
"King Dedede is really fly, Even if he is a bi!"  
  
Tuff Joined in:  
  
"My sister is a cutie pie, But she looks just like a guy!"  
  
Tiff shot back:  
  
"My brother may be really cool, but he's just a stupid fool!"  
  
Kirby finished:  
  
"All of us are just plain wrong, now I'm ending this D*mn song!"  
  
Everybody else finished it a second time:  
  
"Kirby is really tough, but he's just a powder puff!!"  
  
Everyone, Even Kirby was laughing. Thats when they noticed they were there. They all got out of the tank and began to walk into the forest. King Dedede lead them into the forest. "Okay" he said, "We need to go to the deepest, darkest part of the forest if we want to find the evil ghost. I'm guessing that it will be in the creepiest part of this crap-hole." Escargoon added a very good point, "But if it likes torturing people just for the heck of it, then it will come looking for us, won't it?" Kirby added an even better one, "But what if it can't come out in the light and it only captures those who are dumb enough to wander into the dark parts of the forest?" "Ditto." said Escargoon. "Right." said Tiff. "Gotcha" said Tuff. "D*mn straight." Said King Dedede, causing everyone to turn around and look at him, surprised at his language. King Dedede blushed as red as a beet, "Sorry guys" He said, "I guess I drank a little too much sake before we left." "You're drunk?!?!?!" Escargoon said. "Not very much" Said King Dedede, "Just enough to throw off my judgement a little bit. But I'm not gonna get all crazy on you and start dancing with a lampshade on my head like a moron." "Nuts." said Tuff. Everybody turned to look at him. He just looked away and whistled. As they continued walking, Everyone was wondering about Tuff's mental health.  
  
***  
  
They were at the deepest darkest part of the forest my high noon.After they set up the tents, They began to get out the weenies, and they gathered sticks. King Dedede made a fire, but he cheated by using a lighter. As they were roasting their weenies, King Dedede said, "This ghost must be really evil, she has big fangs, sharp claws, long horns, and mottled skin." "How do you know what she looks like, or even what gender she is?" said Escargoon. "Because she's right behind you." Escargoon screamed and jumped 6 feet in the air until he heard King Dedede laughing. He continued to laugh until suddenly, He froze. He was looking straight ahead in a state of total shock. Slowly, he lifted his hand and pointed behind everyone. Everyone In the clearing turned around and prepared themselves for whatever was behind them...  
  
End of chapter 2  
  
Don't you just hate it when they leave you hanging? Sorry it's so short, but I don't want to keep anyone waiting. 


	3. Up Sht Creek without a paddle

Chapter 3: Up Sh*t Creek Without a paddle, and Metaknight in drag.  
  
Everybody was preparing themselves for what was behind them. S-l-o-w-l-y they turned around. Behind them was the most terrifying, horrific diabolical beast to ever stalk the earth. It was.....Tuff in full female dress. Our heros lost all control right there and began to scream bloody murder. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" Everyone began to frantically search for a weapon to kill the beast. Finally, King Dedede came up with not his hammer, but a pencil. He jumped on the cappy in drag and began to jab him hard with the sharp end of the pencil repeatedly while yelling, "THIS ONE'S FOR ALL THE STRAIGHT CAPPY KIDS YOU FOOLED ALL YOUR LIFE, YOU QUEER B*STARD!! Tuff was trying to reach for his bra, so he could strangle him, but the lingerie was under his frilly dress, and so now he was trying his hardest to rip the waistline of the dress so he could reach the clothing item in question. When this failed, He ripped off the dress and yelled, "PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM, KING DEDEDE!!!" The clearing was awkwardly silent. Tiff turned her head and began to giggle. Then the clearing exploded in laughter. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Everyone was laughing so hard that they were half- sobbing. "What are you laughing at?!?!?!" Tuff demanded. King Dedede pointed at him, tried to talk, but then busted out laughing so hard that his face turned a shade of red only seen in streetfights. Tuff looked down. And then he blushed beet red. In his haste to rip the dress off to use his sword, he'd accidentally ripped off all his clothes, and believe me, his talent was a joke. He stood there, in the nude, until he just couldn't take it anymore and ran into the woods covering his face. The laughter continued for 3 and 1/2 more hours, until everyone was so sore and limp, that they looked as if they had no bones. King Dedede took a big, shuddery breath, and let out one more gale of forceful laughter before he got control of himself, "O-Okay *heh heh heh* Let's... Let's f-finish our *sputter* H....HA.... HOTDOGS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" King Dedede collected himself and began to roast a weenie. Then Kirby just had to get him started again. He yelled, "RRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!" King Dedede lost control again, only this time, he fell over and began to pound the ground. He laughed until it hurt. When he began to fizzle out, he said, "Hee hee hee- Ouch- Okay, I'm done." They sat around the campfire roasting their weenies. after the weenies were all eaten, they sat around the campfire, not knowing what to do until the ghost arrived. King Dedede got an idea. He asked, Has anyone heard that song? The one they play on christmas from the tree angels' point of view?" "no, said Tuff, "Sing it for us." So King Dedede began to sing it, except he magled the lyrics badly:  
  
~I'd like to find the guy who done me wrong and stuck my butt up in this christmas tree. I'd do to him what he did to me... Who put the stump up my Rump- pump- pump- pump- pump, Who shoved the twig up my Ramma- lamma- Ding- Dong, Who put the wood where I poop- she- poop- she- poop Who shoved the stick up my hip- dee- dip- dee- dip Who was that man? He shoved it up my can, And made this angel beg for mercy please. Each night when I'm alone, Scratchity-scratchity-scratchity-scratchity-scratchity-shoo! It sets my tiny bottom all on fire. And every time I move, Slip-it-in-dee-din-slip-it-in-dee-din, A little further in it goes! (A/N: This part of the song is spoken. By the way, I'm NOT anti-Christ.) King Dedede in a little Kid's voice: "That sure is a pretty christmas angel!" King Dedede in his normal voice playing the part of the christmas angel: Hey! What about that star?! That's a Pretty star!! (He makes a gross sound effect.) King Dedede in his normal voice playing the part of the christmas angel again: Ouch! Ow! Aw, Geez! Ouch!  
  
By the end of the song, Everyone was rolling on the ground laughing their *sses off. Then They heard a sound in the woods that sounded like a siren. Kirby then told them a wierd story, "Once I was in the middle of the road after a wild party. I was really drunk, and I saw an approaching spaceship with a message on the front. Their letters looked like backwards versions of our letters. I didn't understand it, but I think it was a warning to get out of the way, Because there were also flashing lights and a loud siren before it hit me." King Dedede looked at him strangely. "By any chance, Did you see this spaceship in front of a hospital?" "Yes." said Kirby. "And was the word on the spaceship Ecnalubma?" "Yes, it was, how did you know?" "Uhhhh..." Said King Dedede, "Lucky guess." Tuff yawned. "I'm tired, let's crash for the night." Everyone said goodnight and went off to bed.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, Everyone went hiking to kill the boredom. they found the creek and began to follow it, just for the heck of it. They continued to walk up the creek, until Escargoon pointed out a sign along the creek It was a very funny sign to see at a creek. It read:  
  
SH*T CREEK  
  
"Were going up Sh*t Creek without a paddle!!" Exclaimed Kirby. After everyone had a good laugh over that, They continued to walk up the creek. Something was peeking out of Tuff's bag. It jumped out of his backpack and on to Escargoon's face. Once again, You guessed it. It was The octorok. Escargoon began to scream like a girl and claw at the monster, Scratching his face badly in the process and causing everyone to turn around. He sounded something like, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! HELP ME!! IT'S GOT ME AND IT'S GONNA KILL ME! HEEEEEEEEEELP!!" King Dedede ran over to Escargoon and was trying to pull the octopus off of him. When he discovered Escargoon was thrashing to hard for him to get close enough to pull it off, He held him down and ordered Tuff to pull it off. After it was off, Escargoon continued to scream until King Dedede slapped him across the face again. The other 3 in the group were surprised and finally, Tiff asked, "What is going on here?" King Dedede had to explain about The first octopus monster. Then, the conversation was interrupted by a sound:  
  
"KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRBY................. KING DEDEDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... ESCARGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.................. TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFF................. TUUUUUUUUUUUFF.........."  
  
"What was that?" Asked Tiff. "Quiet!" Said King Dedede.  
  
"COME TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE............... COME TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....................... YOU CAN'T RESIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIST........"  
  
The voice was faint and came and went with the wind. Our Heroes cautiously crept forward.  
  
"FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTER........... FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTER........"  
  
Everyone hesitated. Then the voice talked nomally:  
  
"I SAID 'FASTER' YOU IDIOTS!! DON'T YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?!?!?!"  
  
They hurried towards the voice. They eventually reached an old tunnel.  
  
"COME IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN........... I'M WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIITING FOR YOU...  
  
They walked in to the tunnel and got the shock of their lives.  
  
End of Chapter 3 


	4. The most screwed up duel you've ever see...

Chapter 4: The most screwed up duel you'll ever see Part one.  
  
First of all, I do not own, Kirby, La-Z-boy, Tums, Rolaids, Or Purina. And I'm sorry if you don't like this chapter, I just wanted to do a song chapter. Sorry it's so short ~.^  
  
"COME IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN........... I'M WAAAAAAAAAAAIIIITING FOR YOU......................." The loud, drawn out voice continued to call them to the haunted tunnel. Slowly our heros crept to the pipe. They heard the sound of rushing water. "What the heck was that?" said King Dedede. Suddenly a HUGE wave of dirty water washed out of the pipe, and washed them into a tree. "NOT THAT PIPE, YOU IDIOTS!!!" The voice said, talking normally, "THE ONE NEXT TO IT!! GEEZ, YOU GUYS ARE STUPID." So they walked into the pipe next to it and found that it wasn't very deep. Then suddenly, a light came on revealing........................... Tuff wrapped in a towel. King Dedede couldn't control it. He busted out laughing at him, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Everyone looked at him like he was nuts. The he/she got real mad and turned blood-red. "IT WASN'T FUNNY, YOU JERK!!!!" King Dedede continued to laugh at him Until Tuff jumped up, almost losing his towel, but grabbing it at the last minute, and yelled, "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!!!! YOU PICK THE WEAPON SINCE I CHALLENGED YOU!!!" Everyone expected King Dedede to a mallet fight. He didn't. He said, "I choose to have a sing-off!! Very well. said Tuff. "Meet me at the stump in that clearing over there."  
  
***  
  
"And now" Announced Tiff, "Singing, '99 dead baboons', to the tune of '99 Red Balloons' by Tim Cavenar, KING DEDEDE!!!" King Dedede started by admitting, 'First of all, there are a couple of lines in this song that I'm not real sure about. He began:  
  
~ Hello, Bobby, My old friend. It's good to see you once again, How's your mother, How's your aunt? How's your fathers skin diving suit?~  
  
Everyone busted out laughing. "That's one of the lines I'm not real sure about, but it goes something like that." King Dedede said. Then he continued:  
  
~I've got something you should see back at my place, come with me. I've got some brand new furnishings, plus 99 dead baboons. 99 dead baboons sitting in my living room, not to functional it seems, but quite a conversation piece, this one's Jake, that one's Dinah, There's Big Ned in my recliner No it's not a La-Z-Boy, Can't you see it's a dead baboon? Dead baboons, Everybody! Dead Baboons Dead Baboons Dead Baboons How they got here, I'm not sure, Woke up one day, there they were. luckily, I've got a lease allowing pets if they're deceased I'm just thankful they're not apes, cuz apes would clash with the drapes no more napkins at my parties wipe your hands on a dead baboon. Dead Baboons, Everybody! Dead Baboons Dead Baboons Dead Baboons Dead baboons are lots of fun. Playin' water ballons I've always won You can Keep your dead giraffes and swine, I'll take dead baboons every time. There's just one problem I have found. It's finding purina Dead baboon chow. But what a happy snorkeling device~  
  
Everyone laughed again. "That's the second line I'm not real sure about, but it goes something like that." King Dedede admitted. Then he ended the song:  
  
~With 99 dead baboons, Everybody! Dead Baboons, Dead Baboons, Dead Baboons.~  
  
Everyone clapped and cheered. Then Tiff announced Metaknight, "Now, singing 'Cat in the Kettle' By Wierd Al Yankovich, Tuff!! Tuff began:  
  
~Did you ever think, when you eat Chinese It ain't pork or chicken but a fat Siamese, Yet the food tastes great so you don't complain, But that's not chicken in your chicken chow mein. Seems to me I ordered sweet and sour pork But Garfield's on my fork He's purrin' there on my fork.  
  
There's a cat in the kettle at the Peking Room the place where I eat every day at noon. they say that it's beef or fish or pork, but it's purrin' here on my fork It's purrin' here on my fork.  
  
Chow Lin asked If I wanted more, as he was dialin' up his buddy at the old pet store I said not today, I've lost my appetite, There's two cats in my belly and they want to fight I was suckin on a Rolaids and a Tums or two, when I swear I heard a mew and that is when I knew  
  
There's a cat in the Kettle at the Peking Room I think I'd better stop eatin' there at noon they say that it's beef or fish or pork but it's purrin there on my fork there's a hairball on my fork~  
  
Everyone clapped and cheered. Tiff thought for a moment and announced the winner. "And the winner iiiiiis...... KING DEDEDE!!! Everyone except Tuff went nuts. "Okay, you b*stard!" He said, "Now I challenge you to a duel of weapons!" King Dedede didn't need to think twice. "Mallets." He said.  
  
Will King Dedede beat Tuff? Will we ever get to see the ghost? find out in the next chapter, when the second question will remain unanswered.  
  
End of Chapter 4 


	5. The most screwed up duel youve ever seen...

Chapter 5: The most screwed up duel you've ever seen part 2  
  
King Dedede and Tuff faced off in the clearing. They were both holding their mallets, ready to pound the ever-livin crap out of each other. The tension hung in the air like a fart. All was silent. Tiff and Kirby all watched anxiously, waiting for the two of them to fight, knowing that only one would leave the clearing. The other would be forced to crawl out, an injured and broken man. Tuff finally spoke. "King Dedede" He said, "first we stand back to back and take 10 steps away from each other. then we turn and rush in to battle. Let me remind you that your friends cannot help you, no matter how hurt you are." King Dedede stood with his back to Tuff. They began to walk in opposite directions. 1...2...3... "I hope he's not good with a mallet." thought King Dedede. 4...5...6... "I know I can win" 7...8...9... This is it!! 10! The fight was on. They rushed in, swinging their mallets like there was no tomorrow. King Dedede felt Tuff's mallet graze the side of his head, then graze his belly ever so slightly. "I've got to move fast." said King Dedede, "I can't just keep defending myself." He swung the mallet into the air so fast that the afterdrag pulled up several leaves off the ground, then he brought it down like a falling anvil. "This is it!" He thought, "I'm gonna win!!! He swung the mallet down... and missed by one measly inch. "Crap!!" thought King Dedede, "I'm gonna die now!" "And I never got to taste a mango!!" he said out loud. "Don't worry, you didn't miss much!" yelled Tuff. However, the towel-clad star warrior spoke too soon. as he was bringing up his mallet to finish King Dedede, he whomped himself in the head. Tuff fell to the ground, eyes rolled back in his head. King Dedede turned to his friends and began to cheer loudly with them. It was like the final, dramaic moment in a record- breaking baseball game. suddenly, Kirby pointed behind him, "King Dedede! look out!" He turned around just in time to see Tuff's mallet come down hard into the side of his head. He could feel himself losing conciousness, his knees buckling (Does he even have knees?), His eyes rolling back in his head, his muscles going slack. his last thought was, "Dying isn't as painful as I thought it would be."  
  
*** King Dedede's dream "I must be in heaven. I'm not in pain. then again, I could be in hell. after all, I did do alot of bad stuff in my life. "Sh*t! I resisted Rap for so long. Why did i have to listen to it today?" King Dedede awoke. It was dark all over. not a smidgen of light anywhere. Suddenly, a shadowy beast appeared...  
  
***  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" King Dedede woke up screaming. he sat up fast and realized he was in a tent. No dark. No beast. "Ahhhhh...." He thought. "No beast. just me, my pounding head, and a whole lotta crawly things in my sleeping bag." Then he shot up in bed, "Crawly things?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" He got up, ran from the tent, and began to dance around in the clearing, yelling, "I'M A KING, NOT AN ENTIMOLOGIST!" The rest of the party looked at him, then realized he wasn't nutty, he really did have crickets crawling all over him. Right before their eyes, King Dedede whipped off his coat and hat and began to roll on the ground, completely naked. Everyone busted out laughing, until finally, Tiff, who was still giggling like a hyena, ran over and convinced him just to dust the crickets off. After he got the crickets off, he stood up, looked down at his chubby belly and said, "I think I'd better wash off these crickets." He was covered in bug corpses, and his feathers were all askew. After he washed off the crickets, he went back to camp, where there was fish cooking over an open fire. He sat down, "Man" he said, "Nothin' like fish over an open fire on a warm summer night." The five began to play truth or dare because it was boring, waiting for the fish to cook. King Dedede was first, "Okay" says Tiff, "Take your pick, truth or dare." "Truth" said King Dedede. "Um, okay, have you ever been drunk?" "No." King Dedede answered quickly. "Yes you have!" said Escargoon, "I remember that one time..."  
  
Flashback King Dedede was drinking a bottle of sake. He took a swig every ten seconds, not noticing that half of the bottle was gone already. The conversation between him and Escargoon went like this:  
  
King Dedede: I still think that the whole concept of nature abhoring a vacuum is true. *Glug, Gulp!*  
  
Escargoon: But if that's true, then vacuum tubes would be ineffective.  
  
King Dedede: They often were. That's why they went obsolete. *Glug, Gulp*  
  
Escargoon(Looking at the half empty bottle in King Dedede's hand): Um, Lightbulbs are also mini vacuum chambers.  
  
King Dedede: But lightbulbs break sho eashily becaush they have no air inshide. therefore, they are againsht nature. *Glug, Gulp!*  
  
Escargoon: But even if vacuums ARE abhored in nature, that doesn't make them nonexistent.  
  
King Dedede(Beginning to sway): Yesh thay arr. thads wye vagyoom pagged food dussen lazd. *Glug, Gulp, Hic!*  
  
Escargoon: Um.... Sire? I think you need to stop drinking now.  
  
King Dedede: Wye? Yew wanna *hic!* mage subdeeg uv id?*Glug, Gulp*  
  
Escargoon: No, really, you're totally smashed, sire!  
  
King Dedede: Eyem nod drashed!(Suddenly, He passes out in the floor.)  
  
Escargoon: I don't think I'll tell him about this tomorrow...  
  
End of flashback  
  
King Dedede turned bright red. "Um....." he said, "Just that once. Okay, Kirby, truth or dare?" suddenly (I say that word way too much), They heard screaming coming from far off. It sounded like- "Metaknight!!!" said Kirby, "That was Metaknight! I think maybe the ghost has him!! We gotta go save him!" "Even if he didn't invite me to his birthday party!" added King Dedede. The five ran off into rthe woods as fast as their short little legs (If they even have legs) could carry them. They came to an abrupt stop when they saw the scene up in front of them. There were tent poles, remains of food items, embers from a camp fire, one questionable magazine, and- "Metaknight's sword!" said Kirby, interrupting me for a second and final time, if he wishes not to be eaten by bears in the next chapter. "Sorry." He said, "Come on, we gotta-" He paused, glared at Tuff, and said, "Tuff! put that issue of Playboy down! We're supposed to be rescuing Metaknight!!!" Tuff put down the magazine, which Kirby secretly grabbed and stuffed into his backpack, and they were off on a rescue mission. Next stop, the heart of the forest!  
  
End of chapter 5. 


	6. A whole darn chapter devoted to street f...

Chapter 6: The (Screwed up) Rescue  
  
I Do not own Kirby or KFC.  
  
Our Heroes were rushing to Metaknight's rescue. They didn't know what to expect, and the only way they knew he was still alive was that he was still screaming like a little girl. Spirits were high, Adrenaline was pumping, and the salty smell of sweat hung in the air like burning skin. They burst into a huge clearing that was surrounded by tall trees, and a sign reading, "Pay no attention to this sign". There in front of them was Metaknight being held in place by a whole slew of transparent chickens who were floating in the air. Everyone stood there staring like they had walked in on a someone in the bathtub. Finally, Metaknight yelled, "DON'T JUST STAND THERE, YOU MORONS! GET ME OUTTA HERE! THESE GUYS SMELL LIKE CHICKEN SH*T!!!" For the longest time, Everyone continued to stand there as the ghostly chickens began to peck Metaknight in the nether regions. Finally, Kirby asked, "Who are you? you look like chicken ghosts." One of the chickens replied, "Haven't you heard of us? We're Poultrygeists. The ghosts of scorned chickens who were decapitated and served as meals in a KFC restuarant. We stalk Popstar looking for revenge on anyone who we don't like." "Why don't you like Metaknight?" King Dedede inquired. "Because" said one of the poultrygeists, "He did the most horrible thing of all." "You mean..." said Tiff. "Yes" said another poultrygeist, "He did a bad imitation of Moby" Hearing this, Everybody had second thoughts about rescueing him. But only briefly. They all got into a huddle and began to talk about how to rescue Metaknight. "We could cook them." said Tuff. "That wouldn't work, you idiot!" said King Dedede, "They're already dead!" "Hey!!" said Kirby, "I've got a great idea. now listen carefully..."  
  
***  
  
It seemed there was no escape for Metaknight. The chickes were still pecking him down there, and he was ready to faint. Suddenly, Our five heroes appeared on the scene. "You'd better let Metaknight go, or else!" Said Kirby. "Or else what?" Sneered one of the poultrygeists. "Or else I will play this Wayne Newton CD until you beg for mercy!" "You wouldn't dare..." Said one of the ghostly chickens. Kirby turned the CD on at full blast. The chickens began to writhe on the ground in agony, screaming, "OH, PLEASE KILL IT! HE'S KILLING US!" Suddenly, a portal to H*ll opened up in the ground from the evilness of the CD. The chickens jumped in, breathing sighs of relief, at least until they hit the flames, then they were gone. Metaknight stood up. "Well, that WAS highly unorthodox, but you saved me. I will repay you somehow, someday. Then he was gone.  
  
***  
  
"MMMM!" said King Dedede, "Marshmallows taste much better when they're cooked over an open flame, with all kinds of flammable flora around you. He was finishing off his 3rd bag of marshmallows. Everyone was in high spirits over their victory over the evil poultrygeists. Tiff was snoozing quietly behind one of the logs at the campsite, Kirby was inhaling all the marshmallows off his stick, and Tuff was leaned back, chewing on a toothpick. The only sounds that could be heard were the sound of the fire crackling, Tiff's breathing, and the occasional belch from King Dedede or Kirby. Kirby stood up, Yawned and stretched, and said, "Well, I'm gonna go use the bushes. G'Night guys!" "G'night, Fuzzball." Said King Dedede. "Nighty-night." said Tuff. King Dedede looked at Tuff. "Belching doesn't offend you does it?" He said. "No" said Tuff. "Well, that's good, because this one's gonna shake all the leaves off the trees." King Dedede took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and held his stomach, which was rumbling at a steadily increasing volume. Then he said, "Ahem... mi, mi, mi, mi, mi...." He opened his mouth, and a huge, deep, powerful rip-roaring belch thundered out of him. "BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!" It was so loud, the leaves on the trees shook violently, and some fell off their stems and fluttered to the ground like it was Autumn in the middle of the summer. King Dedede rubbed his belly, licked his beak, and said, "Mmmmmm! Tastes like Marshmallows. "You are disgusting." said Tuff. Then he farted without warning and said, "Well that shut me up." Suddenly, The author(Me) appears to stir things up a little bit. "Hello!" I said, "What up?" "King Dedede looked at me with an evil grin. "How do?" He says, "Where's Hoshi? Isn't she usually following you around asking for a story about her?" "She's currently doing another fanfic at the moment." I said. "Which one?" Inquired King Dedede. I told him, "She's in the one called 'Dumb Dumber and Dumbest Kirby Fanfic'. She'll join us IF Kirbster says she can be in my story, and if she does say yes, it will be WHEN she gets some help for her insanity. (A/N: Hoshi is a charactar I made up for Kirbster's above mentioned fanfic. If you want to find out who she is, Read "Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest Kirby Fanfic, It's really funny!) Then Tuff realized something, "Hey! Where's Kirby? He never left the bushes back there!" so we all crept back to the bushes, to see if maybe Kirby had eaten too many Marshmallows, (A/N: I know that Kirby eating too much is probably impossible, but you never know.) We pushed back the bush and found him......... reading the Playboy magazine he'd put in his backpack. "THAT'S MINE!!" said Tuff. "No it's not!" said Kirby, "You swiped it from Metaknight's campsite, Remember?" "WELL THAT MAKES IT MINE!" said Tuff. He tackled Kirby, and they began to roll across the ground, punching, kicking, biting, and all that good stuff.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Deep in a different part of the woods, Metaknight was looking around for his stuff, just to make sure no one had stolen anything. "Let's see, I've got my food, my water, my clothes, my- AAAAAAAH!! WHERE'S MY MAGAZINE?" Metaknight suddenly had a thought. "Uh-oh, What if Kirby or his friends found that magazine?" "I've got to find them!" he said, "Or else my reputation as a serious warrior with no sense of humor will be ruined!! Metaknight dashed off into the woods like a cheetah on fire.  
  
***  
  
The fight was still going on in the clearing. Tuff and Kirby were still going strong, with King Dedede and me trying to separate the two of them. "I'LL TEACH YOU YOU TO TAKE MY MAGAZINE, YOU STINKIN' HYPOCRITE!!!" Yelled Tuff, as he belted Kirby across the face. "I'LL TEACH YOU TO TACKLE A STAR WARRIOR OVER A DIRTY MAGAZINE, YOU MOP-HEADED...... SISSY!!! Hearing this, Tuff got real mad and yelled, "SISSY?!?!?! SISSY?!?!?! I'LL SHOW YOU JUST WHAT A SISSY CAN DO, YOU PUFFY LITTLE BALL OF...... POOP!!!" By now, they were running out of insults, but still not running out of energy. "I'M NOT A DUNGBALL YOU UGLY FECES- COVERED......SLIMY......BOOGER-EATING......DUMB *SS!!!" Kirby punched Tuff in the stomach. So with the two of them rolling on the ground duking it out like two crazed pumas. Suddenly, (I say that word way too much!) someone exploded out of the clearing in a flurry of leaves. "OKAY!!!" The voice said, "GIVE ME THAT MAGAZINE, YOU COUPLE OF CROSS-DRESSING PUSBAGS!!!" Kirby and Tuff stopped fighting. They both looked at Metaknight and then at each other. "I'm willing to put my differences aside and whack him if you are." Tuff shook his hand, "Agreed." he said, and they began to walk towards Metaknight menacingly. "Uh- oh........" said Metaknight. He ran, with Tuff and Kirby in hot pursuit. Then suddenly, they heard a voice:  
  
"Help me...... Please help me..................."  
  
Everyone stopped. They all listened carefully.  
  
"Help.............. I'm trapped in here, Help me................."  
  
"What was that?" said Kirby. No one answered. the voice called to them again.  
  
"I'm trapped in the well.................. Help................. I can't get out.......... help me..............."  
  
They all began to look around for a well. It was far off in the distance, so they began to run while the voice called:  
  
"Get me out of here.................... It's dark, and dank, and it smells moldy down here......... Help me......."  
  
They found the well. Everyone was afraid to look down. The voice called to them again:  
  
"Help me.......... I'm down at the bottom.......... throw me a rope........... It's cold and wet down here........."  
  
For the longest time, Everone looked at each other, afraid to look down. Suddenly, King Dedede and Tiff appeared. "King Dedede!" said Tuff, "Did you- " "Yes, we heard it too." said King Dedede. They looked down..... And got the shock of their lives.  
  
End of Chapter 6  
  
Sorry it's so short. I'm trying to keep up with the demands of those who like my story^.^ 


	7. Okay, Here's what Happened to Escargoon

Chapter 7:  
  
once again, I don't own Kirby.  
  
"Escargoon, what the heck are you doing in that well?" Said King Dedede. "Well you see, it went like this..." said Escargoon:  
  
Flashback Escargoon had left Metaknight's campsite to get a vacuum cleaner so they could suck up the poultrygeists. on his way, he was really thirsty, so, naturally, when he saw the well he just had to see if the water was fit for drinking. "Aw, crap." he said when he got there, "The water is all muddy and mossy." Just when he was about to turn and leave, he decided he didn't care if the water was disgusting, even if he did get a galloping case of cholera or dysentery. So he bent down...... and discovered that the water was much lower than he thought as he pitched headlong into the smelly black water. His last thought before the flashback ended was, "Oh, great. I can't drink water someone's been swimming in." End of flashback  
  
"King Dedede, can you reach him?" said Kirby. To which King Dedede smartly replied, "No, I can't reach him! I'm a penguin, not an orangatan!" So, now they had a problem. How to get a snail out of a well with no ropes, cranes, or ladders. Kirby got the first idea. "Maybe I could put the Wayne Newton CD to work again!" "NO!!!" said Tuff, "We don't want to send him to h*ll like we did the poultrygeists!" Then he got an idea, "Maybe we could drop rocks in the well to make the water higher!" "No, That's too dangerous." said Tiff, "If we dropped a rock wrong, we could crush or drown him, and if we dropped pebbles, we'd be here 'till they do a Pokemon clip show. I say we form a human chain!" "But there are no humans here." said King Dedede, "Oh, yeah. I forgot." said Tiff. Then a lightbulb appeared above King Dedede's head.... Then went out. "D*mn!" said King Dedede, "I knew I should've changed that bulb before we left!." Then he unscrewed the bulb, Pulled another out of his backpack, and changed the bulb. The bulb promptly lit up again. "Hey, I've got and idea!" said King Dedede, "We could drop alka-seltzer in the water and float him out!" Everyone agreed that this was a good idea. "But where are we going to find that much alka-seltzer?" said Tiff. "There's a Mexican food festival going on in one of the clearings!" said King Dedede So off they went to get the alka-seltzer.  
  
***  
  
After the 4 of them got back, They began to dump armloads of the antacid into the well. Within minutes, black foam poured over the top of the well with Escargoon on top. "Can I do that again?" said Escargoon. "NO!" everyone said in unison. and they walked merrily back to the campsite where they slept long into the morning.  
  
***  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN...." Escargoon woke up the next morning. The smell of coffee was in the air, as was the smell of slightly burnt fish. "Everyone else must already be up." he said, and he lifted the tent flap to walk to the campfire, where fish was cooking, and everyone was talking about their adventures. "How bout we have King Dedede sing a funny song?" said Escargoon, "That's always an adventure!" King Dedede swatted him with a tent pole. "C'mon, sing a funny song!" everyone begged. So he began to sing "I Ran Over the Taco Bell Dog"  
  
~I was driving around in old Mexico~ ~I got lost, I didn't know which way to go~ ~I was confused, It was late and I was in a fog~ ~I ran over the Taco Bell dog~ ~ I felt that smoosh and I said "Oh Mama!"~ ~My lowrider crushed that little chihuahua~ ~I prayed for forgiveness in a synagouge~ ~I ran over the Taco Bell dog~ ~If I am caught, they will put me in a cell with Twenty locks~ ~Unless I can pin it on Jack-In-The-Box~ ~I'll be whipped and beaten and then I'll be flogged~ ~ I ran over the Taco Bell dog~ ~His last words were "Yo Quero el Medico!"~ ~ I flattened that pup, to h*ll I will go~ ~I should have skipped Driving and gone for a jog~ ~I ran over the Taco Bell dog~ ~I ran over the Taco Bell dog~ ~I ran over the Taco Bell dog~  
  
By the end of the song, everyone was laughing till they were bright red. Suddenly, King Dedede began to laugh. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" "What's so funny?" said Tiff. "I'll tell you!" said King Dedede:  
  
Flashback King Dedede and Escargoon were both eating two jars of nuts. one of them was a jar of mixed nuts, the other was a jar of peanuts. King Dedede was eating his peanuts really fast, and eventually, they were gone. so he whips out a jar of walnuts and begins to eat them. Escargoon says, "Can I eat one of your nuts? I've never tasted them before." King Dedede nearly died laughing. End of flashback  
  
Everyone was laughing really hard by the time the story was finished. Tiff's face was red, Tuff was out of breath, King Dedede was shaking like a wuss at a horror movie, Escargoon was blushing so red, he looked like he was having a hotflash, Kirby was rolling on the ground he was laughing so hard. They all continued to laugh like hyenas until they noticed something was in the bushes watching them. Everyone was still. so was the thing. It jumped at them from the bushes with ghost-white fur, blood red eyes, and sharp teeth to top it off! It was........ a white bunny. It looked up at the five, and with a flip of its powder-puff tail, it was gone. They all watched it leave the clearing, relieved that it hadn't been the ghost. Then they went back to their breakfast.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Metaknight was back at his campsite eating a jar of olives for breakfast. He was wondering over whether he should go see if the Kirby gang was okay or not. It was sunny overhead, and there were birds landintg in his clearing now and then. He was just wondering what was going on back in Cappy Town, when he heard screaming coming from far away. He jumped up and ran to the noise, ready to take on the attacker.  
  
***  
  
Kirby and company jumped at the sound of the scream. It was coming from far off in the woods. King Dedede said, "What was that?" as they all stood up to hear the sound better. It came again, the high pitched screaming that sounded like someone was really hurt. "We gotta go save whoever that is!" said Tuff. "Right!" said Everyone else, so they dashed off into the woods to rescue the person in distress.  
  
***  
  
Will Kirby and company make it in time to save the person in distress? Will Metaknight know what's going on? Find out next time!  
  
End of chapter 7  
  
Sorry it's so short, I just wanted to reveal what happened to Escargoon. 


	8. A tale of two abnormal dededes

Chapter 8  
  
Okay, grab a drink! I say "suddenly" so much, that from now on, When you read a new chapter of my story, grab a drink and play the Screwed-up Kirby Story Drinking Game! just take a swig whenever I say "Suddenly". Keep playing until you run out of liquid, or you have to pee. Have fun! I'm also Introducing two new charactars of my own creation in this chapter. Feel free to use them, as long as you give me credit  
  
The five ran through the woods as fast as they could. The scream echoed through the woods, as our heroes dashed to the rescue of whoever it was in distress. They burst into a clearing only to find a pink dedede with a skirt under her coat, and a HUGE oversized bow in her headfeathers instead of a hat on her head. However, she wasn't screaming, she was scraping a rake across a chalkboard. "What the h*ll are you doing?!" said King Dedede. "Yeah, " said Kirby, "That sound is horrible!" "I like the sound!" she said, and she continued to rake the chalkboard. "Who are you?" said Escargoon. "Iiiiiiiiiiiiii'm..." she began to dance wildly, "Hoshi Hoshi bo Boshi banana-fanna-mo Foshi mee-my-mo Moshi, Hoshi!" she stopped dancing, "And my name means star!" she began to dance again singing, "Oh my starry- eyed surprise! sundown & sunrise, Dance all night, We're gonna dance all night, Dance all night to this DJ Uh-huh! HEY DJ-J-J" Everyone watched her dance and sing, as she continued her wild show. "And nowwwwwwwwwww... THE BIG FINISH!!!" she said. The big finish consisted of her firing an elephant rifle over everyone's heads, causing them to have to duck, as she did a 21 gun salute with only one gun. She suddenly stopped and looked at everyone. "You're a better audience than most people" she said, "Most of them flee in terror, or fall to the ground screaming and holding certain parts of their bodies" she sighed heavily, "Evvvvvvvvvverybody's a critic." Her attitude abruptly changed from gloomy to sunny right there. "So, what're your names?" Kirby spoke up first, "My name is Kirby-" Hoshi broke in, "Kirby Kirby bo Birby banana-fanna-fo Firby mee my mo Mirby, Kirby! How, 'bout you?" she asked Escargoon. "My name is Escargoon-" Hoshi cut him off too, "I don't like that name, so I'm gonna call you Escargoon. It's a better name, don't you think?" she smiled REALLY big. "Uhhhh.... I guess...." said Escargoon who was now named Escargoon. She turned to Tiff, "Who are you?" "I'm Tiff." said Tiff, "Ooooh, Tiffany! I like that name!" "It's Tiff." said Tiff "Okay, Tiffany!" Tiff sweatdropped and decided to let it go. "And you, Little Boy?" said Hoshi. "My name is Tuff" he said. "You don't look so tough!" she said, standing up, balling her fists and putting them up, "Come om, put em up! prove how tough you are!" she said. Tuff looked scared. He'd never hit a lady before in his entire life unless you count the time he hit Tiff when she broke his model plane and got his *ss kicked by his sister (Tee hee hee). Hoshi brightened up, "Oh, come on!" she said, "I was only kidding you!" She turned to King Dedede, "And who might you be?" she asked. King Dedede got ready for the usually half-*ss job at making fun of his name. "My name is......King Dedede." he said. "Do you have a brother named Dexter?" She asked. "No." said King Dedede, "Plus I said 'Dedede', not DeeDee." "Okay, I'll call you Demon, 'cuz you remind me of a big Pokemon!" (A/N: Sorry, but I do think King Dedede looks like a big pokemon. If you don't like it, Bite me :P) King Dedede sweatdropped and did that HILARIOUS visible heavy-sigh thing they do in anime. (You know, with the mushroom- shaped puff of breath? I think that's SO funny!) Suddenly, Metaknight burst into the clearing and said, "Aw crap, they already saved her!" he was wearing his best dress for the maiden in distress. Needless to say, King Dedede once again lost all control right there. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He was on the ground laughing so hard that he was drooling like a tiny version of the Niagra Falls. He pounded the ground so hard, he left pits in the ground where his fists hit. Metaknight turned bright red, "IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!" He said, "I'M NOT GAY, I JUST LIKE THE FREEDOM OF NO PANTS AND THE SECURITY OF A CAPE PUT TOGETHER!!!" And with that, he said, "How did you save her, you aren't even scratched!" Before they could speak, Hoshi piped up, "It was awesome! they rushed right into the fray with the evil clowns, and killed them by playing the soundtrack to "The Sound of Music." (A/N: I'm sorry, but that movie SUCKS!!!) Hoshi began to sing, "THE HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUUUUUSIC!  
  
About an hour later...  
  
"RAINDROPS ON ROSES AND WHISKERS OFF KITTENS..." Hoshi was still going strong. finally, Kirby said, "Um.... Hoshi? I think you should stop now. Metaknight was shrieking in agony and stopped five minutes ago, and now he's not moving." They all crowded around Metaknight as Kirby got right up in his face. Suddenly (There's that word again) Metaknight shot up and said, "I just dreamt I was being stabbed!" "How horrible!" said Tiff. "Naw, it was a relief after hearing that horrible song." said Metaknight. Tuff suddenly realized that it was midnight. "We'd better get back to the camp, It's..." he began to sing and dance, "AFTER MIDNI-IGHT..." Escargoon cut him off right there, "Please shut up, It's only funny when Hoshi does it." Tuff got an evil look on his face, "I know something else that's funny, no matter who does it." He grabbed something out of his backpack and tossed it at Escargoon. "Oh, crap....." said King Dedede, "is that....." It was. It was the octorok. Escargoon began to scream and run(If you can call it that) around in circles clawing at his skin, trying to get the little guy off. Hoshi's eyes brightened, "Hey, that looks like fun!" so she began to run around and scream too. King Dedede finally knocked Escargoon out with his mallet and pulled off the monster. Kirby yawned, "Let's go back to camp. I'm pooped." "Heeheeheeheehee..... you said poop!" said Hoshi. Everyone sweatdropped, and after King Dedede picked up Escargoon, they all walked back to camp.  
  
***  
  
Late that night, Tiff suddenly woke up. She woke up Hoshi and says, "Hoshi, wake up!" "What?" said Hoshi. "I heard something outside! As they left the tent, they saw that by now, the boys were out of their tents trying to find the source of the sound. It was a close rustle, like someone was trying to get into their camp And it was coming from the deepest, darkest corner of the woods. Slowly they crept to the corner of the campsite and pulled back the vegetation There, lying unconcious on the ground was.....  
  
(A/N: Okay, First of all, I'd like to warn you that this charactar is very weird, and if you don't like him, once again, you can Bite me.)  
  
It was another dedede. But this one appeared to be mutated. It had a black raccoon mask pattern on his face, with two "C" shaped marks, one on each cheek, and another black mark across his beak, but that wasn't the weirdest part. He had one cluster of red and yellow spikes on each shoulder blade, a big, thick-stemmed flower on his back, and a red tail with four spikes on the end, plus he had two claws on each foot, and he was exactly half of King Dedede's height. "It's..... a freak." said Tuff. Tiff spoke up, "Even if he is a freak, we have to help him. Get him back to the campsite and start a fire. His life may depend on it.  
  
***  
  
For the longest time, Everyone sat around the campfire, looking at the little blue mystery bird. He looked as if he was pretty well-fed. He was nearly as wide as he was tall, but in a way that made him look like a VERY cuddly stuffed animal. He lay on his back. Suddenly, his eyes opened, and he sat up. He looked around the campsite, and when he saw everyone, He said, in a husky voice, "I'm sorry, but I have nothing to give you in return." "If you'd tell us your story, that'd be thanks enough." said Kirby. The little penguin stood up, "Okay, I'll tell you. It all happened like this..." 


	9. ARRRRRRRRRGH! THIS CHAPTER IS SO NOT FUN...

Chapter 9:  
  
First the Disclaimer: I don't own Kirby, King Dedede, Escargoon, Tiff, Tuff, Or Metaknight. Nintendo and HAL laboratories do.  
  
Now a message: YOU MAY USE HOSHI AND THE WEIRD PENGUIN IN YOUR STORIES. Just give me credit.  
  
The Weird Penguin began his story:  
  
*Flashback* The odd penguin is in a HUGE glass tube in a laboratory, Minus his spikes and other weird features.In other words, a completely normal dedede. He is floating in fluid and has a breathing mask on and a whole lotta tubes and hoses stuck in his body The scientists conversation goes like this:  
  
Scientist 1: Doctor, look at this! the chick's MRI shows that he's gonna be really evil.  
  
Scientist 2: Excellent. Our clone of King Dedede will be twice as evil as the original, Dr. Harm!  
  
Dr. Harm: But there's one thing I'm worried about...  
  
Scientist 2: What?  
  
Dr. Harm: Dr. Payne, (The Idiot!) watched episode after episode of Martha stewart reruns in the cloning room and it's blocking the evil.  
  
Scientist 2: D*mn! I KNEW she was corruptive!  
  
Suddenly, The weird Penguin wakes up and smashes the tube open with his fist. shards of glass hit the floor as vital fluid pours out of the tank.  
  
Weird Penguin: Yawn?  
  
Dr. Harm: Oh no, what'll we do?! we can't put him back in, and he can't grow up in 6 hours outside the tube! He's only about 4 years old! (He thinks.) I know... Hehehe....  
  
King Dedede Interrupts, "Waitaminit! The correct spelling of the laughing sound is 'hee hee hee!' Everyone reading this story whirled around, LET HIM FINISH THE STORY!!! "Okay, okay, sorry...." said King Dedede.  
  
Dr. Harm: Get the um... Special medicine, Dr. Hertz... Heh heh heh...  
  
(Dr. Hertz lewaves the room and comes back with a HUGE syringe. It's filled with a black fluid, which is flashing red every 3 seconds.)  
  
Dr. Harm(Taking the needle): This is really gonna hurt. When you inject liquid pain into someone, it makes them more evil than if they watched movies starring Chris Farley for 3 days in a row.  
  
(The Weird Penguin[we'll call him ??? until he's named] looks at the needle like a porky deer caught in a semi truck's headlights. the scene goes black as the needle is stabbed into him and a horrible scream is heard.  
  
??? woke up. His whole back, his butt, his feet, and his shoulderblades hurt like he had knives in them.  
  
???: what th...  
  
He gasps as he sees that he has two clusters of spikes, one on each shoulderblade, A scaly tail with four spikes coming out of it, a HUGE flower growing out of his back, and two claws on each foot.  
  
???:They... Mangled me...  
  
??? gets really p*ssed. He actually roars, hauls off, and suddenly, without warning, gets fire ability, spews a blood-red fireball, and blows up the lab. he runs from the wreckage into the woods.  
  
???: I can no longer mingle with normal people. I'm a freak...  
  
"And that's my story." said ???. "I've roamed these woods ever since then. Then when you found me, That's where the story ends." "What's your name? said Kirby. "Don't have one." said ???. "But..." He gets fire ability, then tornado, then... "WATER ABILITY?!?!?! said Kirby, Even I can't use that!" ??? threw a waterball at a tree. Suddenly, King Dedede says, "Ni-Kaabi." "What?" said Escargoon. "That's what I decided to call him since he can copy abilities, even without inhaling." said King Dedede, "After all, he's my son.  
  
(A/N: "Ni Kaabi" is japanese for "Kirby 2" but in the comics I do, I spell it "Kirbe 2" Kind of a cross between "King Dedede and "Kirby")  
  
Ni Kaabi smiled, "Niiiiiiiii.......... Kaaaabi......... I like it. Suddenly, Hoshi pipes up, KNOCK, KNOCK!!! IT'S FIVE A.M., WE NEED TO SLEE- HEEP!!! Everyone looks at her. "Well the writer was ignoring me. I needed to do something."  
  
(A/N: Sorry Hoshi;.;)  
  
Hoshi replied, That's okay. she began to sing again "Dingle Balls, Dingle Balls... Everone shook their heads like she was a hopeless case.  
  
***  
  
King Dedede was telling Ni-Kaabi a bedtime story. It went like this towards the end..."They took a tranquilizer dart, shot goldilocks with it, Tagged her, and released her into the wild where she was shunned by all other humans because of her tag, and was forced to live as a cavegirl. The end" Ni-Kaabi was fast asleep. he looked even more like a stuffed animal. King Dedede walked out of the tent.... At least he started to, until he heard Ni- Kaabi talking in his sleep. "No....... No........... Miruku....... Run, Miruku............ King Dedede hears him scream. Within minutes, everyone was in the tent as King Dedede shook Ni-Kaabi awake. His eyes fluttered open and he crumpled to the floor murmuring, "Miruku.... Why didn't you run?" "Who's Miruku? said King Dedede. Ni-Kaabi sighed. I'm afraid I didn't tell you ALL of my story...  
  
End of Chapter 9  
  
Don't you just HATE it when I leave you hanging? 


	10. NiKaabi's Lament

Chapter 10  
  
"It all started shortly after I left the lab..."  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Ni-Kaabi was waddling down the road, carrying a red backpack. He was singing.  
  
Ni-Kaabi: WILD THANG, DA DA DA-DA-DA... YOU MAKE MY HEART SING, DA DA DA-DA- DA... YOU MAKE EVERYTHANG GROO-VAY... WILD THANG... I THINK I LOOOOVE YOU.  
  
Suddenly, He spotted something red, yellow, and blue in the road. It was unconcious, and lying on its side.  
  
Ni Kaabi: Huh?  
  
He ran over to see what it was. It was a snail, a blue snail with a red-and- yellow striped shell. He also had two spikes on either side of his face, and appeared to have multiple wounds all over his body. He was still breathing, and he had a pulse, but he was really hurt. Ni-Kaabi tries to pick him up, only to find that his slime is poisonous and burns his hands.  
  
Ni-Kaabi: OW! Son of a...  
  
He stops to think about how he's going to carry him of the road. He thought and thought until....  
  
Ni-Kaabi: Hey! I just thought of something! I really like sushi!  
  
Author: Stick to the topic, Ni-Kaabi! This Is supposed to be an important moment in the story, and here you are screwin' it up!  
  
Ni-Kaabi: Sorry. But I really like sushi! I mean I really like...  
  
Suddenly, the author pulls out a stungun an zaps Ni-Kaabi.  
  
Ni-Kaabi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! Ouch....  
  
Author: Now back to the story.  
  
As I was saying, He thought and thought until...  
  
Ni- Kaabi: Hey! I just thought of something! I could pick him up by the shell! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, YOU S.O.B.!?!?!?  
  
Author: Just for that, we have to redo the scene again. :P  
  
Miruku: I'll be dead by the time this is over.  
  
Author: Shut up! you're supposed to be unconcious.  
  
Miruku: Sorry.  
  
Once again, He tought and thought until...  
  
Ni-Kaabi: Hey, I just thought of something! I could pick him up by the shell!  
  
Everyone reading the story: FINALLY!!!  
  
So he picked the snail up by the shell and began to carry him to a safe place in the woods where he wouldn't be hit by a car or shot by state troopers. On the way, He begins to sing.  
  
Ni-Kaabi: SOMETIMES IT FEEEELS LIKE THE WORLDS ON MY SHOULDERS. EVERYONE'S LEANING ON ME!  
  
He finally came to a clearing, layed out his sleeping bag on the ground and put the snail on it while he built a campfire and cooked some weenies that he stole from a traveler after he mauled and beat him to a bloody pulp. The snail began to stir and sat up on the sleeping bag. He looked around the clearing and saw Ni-Kaabi.  
  
Miruku: Who are you?  
  
Ni-Kaabi: My name is Ni-Kaabi. And yours is Miruku.  
  
Miruku: How did you know that?  
  
Ni-Kaabi: I said it in the last chapter.  
  
Miruku: But that was in the future! how can you know that now?  
  
Ni Kaabi: Well, technically, THIS is the future since this is the next chapter.  
  
Miruku: 0_0 Okay...  
  
The two of them began to talk about where they came from. Miruku wouldn't tell him for some reason. But that was okay with Ni-Kaabi.  
  
*2 years later...*  
  
Ni-Kaabi and Miruku were playing in the woods, where they had both lived since that day two years ago. they were now inseparable friends, and traveled together in the woods, scaring travelers and stealing food from campers. Miruku runs behind a tree and...  
  
Miruku: HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! IT'S GOT ME! HELLLLLLLLLLLP!!!  
  
Ni-Kaabi ran to his rescue just in time to see a ghost carrying Miruku off to its lair. As he tried to stop the ghost, it shot some kind of energy ball at him, injuring him. He crawled away and fainted.  
  
*End of flashback*  
  
By now, Ni-Kaabi had tears running down his face. "Just like that...... My best friend was gone. I've been searching for him ever since. I think it was the legendary ghost of wedgie peak." He sniffled and wiped the tears from his eyes. Everyone was silent. King Dedede finally spoke up. "I think" he said, "It was the very ghost we're hunting for right now." Ni-Kaabi looked up, "You say you're looking for a ghost?" he said. Hoshi spoke up, "THAAAAAAAAAAAT'S CORRECT! JOHNNY, TELL HIM WHAT HE'S WON!" Ni-Kaabi brightened up, "Maybe I can help! I know this forest like PeeWee Herman knows how to.... Um... You know... Kirby got an idea, "Tomorrow morning, we'll look for the ghost and Miruku! But first..... Let's go to bed. I'm still pooped. Hoshi laughed and everyone else sweatdropped.  
  
End of Chapter 10 


	11. The Computer Holy Wars

Chapter 11: The Computer Holy Wars  
  
First of all, I do not own this idea. Scott Adams, Creator of "Dilbert" does. I just took the idea and improved upon it. Also, I do not own Kirby, King Dedede, Metaknight, Escargoon, Tiff, Tuff, Lilo & Stitch, or SSB. Hoshi, Ni-Kaabi, and Miruku are mine, though, and you may use them in your stories if you want, just give me credit, or I'll suck your brains out.  
  
The group was starting down the road towards the deepest, darkest part of the forest. The heat was almost unbearable, so hot that they wouldn't be surprised if when someone farted it made a HUGE fireball. Even the rocks were sweating. Even the creek was sweating. Even- King Dedede interrupts me suddenly, "WE GET THE FREAKIN' IDEA!" So I stop. They walked down the road sweating an entire ocean of saltwater, except for Escargoon, who just got slimier than usual. They were all walking slowly down the road, when suddenly, they heard the sound of, "You've got mail!" There was a pause, then an enraged scream. "I'LL SHOW THAT #$%^&* *&^%$# B*ST*RD TO SEND THOSE FLAMES!!!" Then the sound of typing furiously. King Dedede took his hands off the sides of Ni-Kaabi's head, Where he'd been trying to keep him from hearing those words. Hoshi piped up, "I can swear better than THAT!!!" She took a deep breath, "@#%$&*^%*%^$#^$#@$$#^%$&*^$*%#%#@$#^%T&^%#$&^%#&^%&^%$&^%#%$#@^%$%&^(&*%*^% ^%$#^%$#^$@!!!"This time, King Dedede didn't reach the sides of Ni-Kaabi's head in time, so he heard everything. The words were SO disgusting that a nearby tree blushed, several flowers wilted, and the grass stood straight up off the ground. Everyone stood in stunned silence. Then Ni-Kaabi put in his own "special" words of wisdom, "---------------------------------------- ----------------------------" They were SO BITTERLY dirty, that if I even tried to use symbols for the words, the people at Fanfiction.net would sue me. King Dedede begins to yell at Ni-Kaabi, "NI-KAABI DEDEDE! IF I CATCH YOU REPEATING WORDS LIKE THAT AGAIN, I SWEAR I'LL WASH YOUR DIRTY MOUTH OUT WITH LAVA SOAP!!!" Ni-Kaabi looked at the ground, kicked at a bug in the grass, and said," Sorry, Dad." Then Hoshi began to tease Ni-Kaabi, "HA HA- HA HA-HA, YOU GOT IN TROUBLE, NYAH NYAH NYAH!" Ni-Kaabi just looked really mad, but he didn't do anything, because he wasn't the type who hit ladies. Kirby suddenly put in his two cents worth. "Hey" he said, "shouldn't we be trying to find out where those computer sounds and that censored swearing came from. So they quietly crept to the place where they heard the swearing. Sitting there was a computer nerd. He was typing furiously on his computer and was covered in black ash. They all stared at him, trying to figure out how his computer burned him. Finally Kirby asked him, "Why are you covered in ash? And where did you learn to swear like that because I want to learn how to do it too!" The nerd pulled out a book entitled "!#@$%^ The Childrens' Guide to Censored Swearing. "I picked it up from this book" he said, "It has more than you ever wanted to know about bathroom languange." Tiff broke the humorous mood, thank you very much, little Miss Killjoy, "Um, I want to know why you are covered in ash when you are sitting at a computer, and not at one of those Hawiian fire dance shows at that luau place just outside the forest?" (A/N: If you've ever seen "Lilo & Stitch" you know what I'm talking about.) The nerd instantly got mad and began to curse flamers, AOL, and Chris Farley. He stood up and began to tell them. "You probably don't know, but there has been a war going on between the AOL users and the Juno users for five years now. We are each thoroughly convinced that the other groups are filthy denizens of the underworld who are bent on destroying us. I am a Juno user and I absolutely HATE AOL users." he stood up and raised his arms to the sky, lightning striking as he spoke "DEATH TO THE CURSED AOL DEMONS FROM THE BOWELS OF THE CORPORATE UNDERWORLD, FOR THEY SHALL FALL AND BREAK UNDER THE POWER OF THE MIGHTY JUNO ARMY!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The seven all sweatdropped. King Dedede decided he'd better not tell the kid that he himself was an AOL user. Suddenly, Flames erupted from the hard drive on the nerd's (We'll call him Bill) laptop computer. Bill read the message on the screen, and once again screamed like a banshee and began to furiously type a message on the keyboard. he clicked the send button and the message was on its way to burn its recipiant. Bill laughed maniacally again and sprouted bat wings, a dragon tail, and bull horns, " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! DOES HE REALLY THINK I WILL TAKE THAT FROM HIM MORE THAN 15 AND 1/2 TIMES?!?!?! I JUST SENT HIM A VIRUS THAT WILL PUT A BILLION AOL SIGNUP FORMS IN HIS EMAIL EACH TIME HE TYPES THE LETTER "E"!!! AH- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA!!!!" King Dedede hoped that wasn't Nightmare Enterprises' Email. Because just his name alone would send 3 billion AOL signup forms to their mailbox and jam up their Email. He decided he'd better not Email anyone he liked for a while. Escargoon looked mad for no reason. He was looking at his pocket computer. King Dedede wondered for a moment why he suddenly looked mad when nobody or nothing had offended him. But suddenly, Bill's hard drive crashed and he began to curse like mad. They decided they'd better leave right now, before Ni-Kaabi picked up any more magic words. Hoshi piped up, "What a nice guy! he taught me more than I ever learned from my teacher before I turned her into a frog and fed her to Spongebob!" Everyone there decided not to ask about that. Escargoon suddenly had a question, "Hey, can anyone here fix a computer?" "Nope." everyone answered. Escargoon began to mutter under his breath. Once again, King Dedede noticed something vaguely unsettling about this. However, he chalked it up as part of the heat exhuastion and the all walked back to camp to discuss what should be done about the war under the setting sun. As they walked, King Dedede typed out a message on his pocket computer to Escargoon telling him to be sure to give the author back her copy of SSB when he was done with it.  
  
***  
  
"I say we get the police involved!" said Tuff, "They can stop this war!" They were all seated around the campfire, dubbed "Tribal Council" by King Dedede, once again. Escargoon said nothing. He was typing on his computer vigorously. he muttered, "So many forms! how will I ever clear out my Email?" Tiff made a good point, "But if we get the police involved, they would only fight behind our backs. Could we maybe try a better idea? King Dedede really thought that something was fishy with Escargoon, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Kirby spoke up, "I think we should crash for the night. it's 3 AM" so they all bid each other good night and walked to their tents to sleep. While sleeping, King Dedede had an odd dream...  
  
***  
  
King Dedede's dream  
  
Escargoon looked mad for no reason. He was looking at his pocket computer. King Dedede wondered for a moment why he looked mad when nobody or nothing had offended him........................ Escargoon suddenly had a question, "Hey, can anyone here fix a computer?"............................. Escargoon said nothing. He was typing on his computer vigorously. He muttered , So many forms! How will I ever clear out my Email?"  
  
***  
  
King Dedede shot up in bed. "TH-" he held his beak shut and resisted the temptation to yell, "THAT'S IT!!!" King Dedede quietly stood up and waddled out of the tent. Walking into Ni-Kaabi's tent, he began to shake him. "Ni- Kaabi, Ni-Kaabi, wake up." "hmmmmmm, Wha?" said Ni Kaabi. "I think I've figured out a link to the computer holy wars!" "Who?!?!?!" said Ni-Kaabi. "Shhhhhhhhhh! be quiet and wake everyone up. I'll explain at tribal council.  
  
***  
  
Everyone was seated around the campfire King Dedede stalked around the ring of weary travelers and began to talk. "I know one of you has a secret." he said, "ONE of you is hiding something from the rest of us. ONE of you is keeping vital information from us. ONE of you is keeping us from knowing the truth behind your private misery. ONE of you is hiding something horrible from the rest of us! "YAAAAAARGH!!!" yelled Kirby, I ATE TUFF'S CANDY BAR BEFORE WE LEFT!!!" "I LET A BUNCH OF CRICKETS LOOSE IN TIFF'S ROOM!!! Yelled Tuff, "I STOLE HOSHI'S "DRAGONBALL" VIDEO!!! Yelled Tiff, "I KILLED J.R.!!!" Yelled Hoshi, "I SWIPED KIRBY'S ORIGAMI BOOK!!! Yelled Ni- Kaabi. "WAIT?!?!?!, THAT WAS YOU?!?!?!" They all yelled in unison, and then It got ugly with punching, kicking, scratching, biting, slapping, and pinching. "SHUT UP!!!" King Dedede yelled, causing everyone to stop fighting, "I'm talking about......... THE ONE INVOLVED IN THE COMPUTER HOLY WARS!!! Escargoon broke down and began to wail, "WAAAAAAAAAAAA, I'M SORRY! I JUST ANSWERED AN INNOCENT EMAIL, AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M ENLISTED FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS!!!" King Dedede spoke up, I'ts okay. I have an idea to end this war. With that he walked to his tent....  
  
***  
  
The next day, The seven all came out of their tents only to find that the AOL users were breaking bread with the Juno users. They were all nervously talking friendly to each other, as if afraid of saying something unfriendly. "Wow, King Dedede!" said Tiff, "How did you do that?" "It's easy when the Dream Land Mafia owes you a favor." King Dedede replied with a laugh. Everyone sweatdropped and decided to let it go. Suddenly, They heard dinging, followed by screams of pain. "Let's go! said Kirby, "Looks like we're off to another adventure!" and off they ran.  
  
End of Chapter 11 


	12. My, it gets cold early this time of year

Chapter 10: My, It gets cold early trhis time of year!  
  
Disclaimer: Blah blah blah blah don't own Kirby & co. blah blah blah blah blah anything else mentioned in the story blah blah blah dishwasher.  
  
Kirby & co. were camping in the middle of the woods once again. They were all snoring softly, except for King Dedede, who sounded somewhat like a foghorn. Suddenly (Remember the drinking game, peoples), a freak snowstorm dropped a thick layer of snow on our heroes. As I said this, absolutely nothing happened. As I said, a freak snowstorm dropped a thick layer of snow on our heroes. Nothing happens once again, so I go out there and begin shooting the clouds with a plasma cannon like was on Lilo & Stitch. A whole buttload of snow falls from the sky all at one time and not only buries me, but the campsite as well. Our heroes continue to sleep as a few more flakes hit the ground, and as paramedics arrive to pick me up.  
  
***  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN... " Escargoon yawned loud enough to wake the entire contents of the Dream Land cemetary. He began to slip outside... only to find that the campsite was buried under 3 feet of snow. He dug his way out only to find that everyone else was already up and attempting to drink their coffee. Correction, eat their coffeesicles. "What the.....?" said Escargoon. "Yeah, It's weird." said King Dedede, "It snowed in the middle of the summer." "This is weird" said Tiff, "I've never known it to snow in the middle of the summer, unless you count the time that guy at the snowcone place went berzerk and tried to freeze all of Dream Land with his snow machine." "I'll never forget that day" said Escargoon, "That was the day King Dedede threw a lemon snow cone at me and I got mad cuz I thought it was-" Suddenly, Hoshi cut him of and began to sing:  
  
~Dreamed I was an eskimo~ ~Frozen winds began to blow~ ~under my boots & around my toe~ ~Was a hundred degrees below zero~ ~And my mama cried~ ~And my mama cried~ ~Nanook no, no~ ~Nanook no, no~ ~Don't be a naughty eskimo~ ~Save your money don't go to the show~ ~Well I turned around and I said "Ho Ho"~ ~Well I turned around and I said "Ho Ho", ~ And the northern lights commenced to glow~ ~And she said, With a tear in her eye~ ~Watch out where the huskies go~ ~And don't you eat that yellow snow~ ~Watch out where the huskies go~ ~And Don't you eat that yellow snow~  
  
Everone had a good laugh at that, and King Dedede said, "That's why Escargoon won't take a lemon snow cone from me." He pounded the ground laughing. The pounding of his fist to the ground below caused an icicle above to crack. Everyone looked on in terror. "Ha ha.... whoo, that's funny!" King Dedede stood up........... causing the icicle to fall down the back of his coat and wedge there, tightly against his skin and feathers. He stood there, quietly........... still quietly............... then went absolutely nuts trying to reach back and pull it out, screaming, "AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!! SOMEONE GET THE F****** THING OUT! I'M FREEZIN' MY *SS OFF OVER HERE! OW, I THINK I'VE GOT FROSTBITE ALL OVER MY BODY!!! As he jumped around screaming like a maniac, Everyone was laughing like rabid hyenas as King Dedede finally disrobed in front of everyone and threw the icicle so hard it speared into a tree. The tree let out an ear- shattering, girly scream, and whacked King Dedede with an apple in thew stomach so hard that it was embedded in his torso for 3 seconds while he stood there gasping for breath before it fell out on the ground, smoking. Whispy Woods turned around saying, "D*mmit, King Dedede, first you try to cut me down, then you send an evil flower after me, now you stab me and do a strip show to try and double kill me!!" "Fancy meeting you here, Whispy." King Dedede said in a voice dripping in so much sarcasm that rancid robitussin oozed from his pores. "Hi, Whispy!" said Kirby, Tiff, and Tuff in unison. "Hi, Whizzy!" said Hoshi, smiling REALLY big. "My name's Whispy, not Whizzy. said Whispy. "But you're a tree, and some dog's bound to have come by and whi-" Ni-Kaabi cut her off, "Hey, Whispy, long time, no see! have you gotten over that thrips infestation yet? (A/N: Thrips are a parasite found in leafy plants.) Whispy turned bright red and said, "Uhhhh, yeah...... Hey! Where's Miruku?" Ni-Kaabi hung his head and held back tears. "You mean he's......." Whispy trailed off. "No, he was kidnapped." said King Dedede, "and if you talk to him about it and make him cry, I will cut you down for good this time!" An apple hit him on the head. "I would never do that to him!!! He's a sweet little guy, unlike you!" "Pansy!" yelled King Dedede. "Turkey!" yelled Whispy "Rotten piece of kindling!" "Chicken!" "You have root rot!" "You pick your feathers!" "Your apples are lousy! "If someone ate you, they'd get instant high cholesterol!" "You have termites!" "You have feather lice!" "SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!" yelled Ni-Kaabi, "You should not be fighting when we have a ghost to catch!" "Ghost?" said Whispy Woods, "I saw her go by here about 2 days ago." "Which way?!" asks Ni-Kaabi. "I'll tell you if you do me one favor." "What's that?" "Water..... me...." Ni-Kaabi instantly got the water ability, and fired a gentle stream of water from his mouth onto Whispy's roots. "Ahhhhhhhhhh..... Okay, he went left." "Thanks!" said Ni- Kaabi, "We'll leave tomorrow."  
  
***  
  
The next day, They were taking the opportunity to throw out any supplies that had been destroyed by the wet snow. "This is frozen!" said tuff, and he threw a frozen ball of... calamari, which landed on Escargoon, who began to zoom around screaming, "THE EVIL BEAST OF DARKNESS IS TRYING TO FREEZE ME TO DEATH!!! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!" This time, Ni-Kaabi ran over and used fire ability to melt the ice and burn the octopus meat. However, He burned Escargoon in the process. "Owwwwwwwwwww......" said Escargoon. "Sorry." said Ni-Kaabi, and he used water ability to douse his burns. After they packed up and left, with Escargoon rubbing snow into his burns every 5 minutes to keep them from blistering, they began to walk along, when suddenly, "Hey, I'm Hungry!" said Kirby. "Eat some snow." said Hoshi, getting an evil grin. So Kirby took a little lick of snow. "Hey, this is pretty good!" said Kirby, and he took a BIG bite...... and then fell to the ground, gripping his head. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! MY HEAD! IT FEELS LIKE IT'S EXPLODING!!!" Hoshi was laughing like a madwoman, as Tiff said, "That's not funny, Hoshi!" brainfreezes can be harmful!!! "B-b- brain.....freeze?!" said Kirby, "YOU PLANNED THIS, DIDN'T YOU, HOSHI?!?!?!" He rolled a snowball, and threw it at Hoshi. Suddenly, Hoshi closed her eyes, "I call.......upon........the magic powers of my ancestors........... to summon........ the snowball........ OF DEATH!!!! Suddenly, a snowball the size of a house crashed down on Kirby, burying him in a mountain of snow. He dug himself out and asked, "How did you do that?" "When you're insane, you're abilities have no limits because realty has no meaning to you" She said talking like a Kung-Fu master, "Everything is divided into two parts, the good and the evil, the yin and the yang, the dharma and the greg." Then she returned to normal, "Enough of that, let's get going!  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, at Metaknight's campsite, He jumped up, startled, "I must warn Kirby and the others of the terrible evil they must face!!!" and He ran off.  
  
End of chapter 12 


	13. Since when did the rescue become a sleep...

Chapter 13: Attack of the Ice Dragon Reject  
  
Our Five heroes continued the long trek through the forest to find Miruku and the ghost.It was still cold, and everyone was freezing their butts off. The boredom was so thick, that if you tried to cut it with a knife, the blade would bounce off, stab you in the chest, and kill you instantly. Suddenly, King Dedede calls out, "OKAY!!! THIS CHAPTER IS AS BORING AS HECK, SO I'M DECLARING A JOKE-OFF!!!" And the jokes were on. Here was Kirby's joke,  
  
Q: What does it mean when your little brother is gasping and calling your mom's name?  
  
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.  
  
Tiff:  
  
Yo mama's so old, when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishin'  
  
Tuff:  
  
Q: What did the dedede say when he saw a box of cheerios?  
  
A: "Cool! Doughnut seeds!"  
  
(A/N: King Dedede and Hoshi socked him for that.)  
  
Ni-Kaabi:  
  
A man had a problem. Every night he farted in his sleep. So his wife tells him, "If you don't stop, you're gonna fart your guts out." She was a butcher, so she put pig scraps in his pants while he was sleeping that night. The next morning when they woke up he was in the bathroom for two hours. Finally he comes out and says, "Honey, you were right about me farting my guts out." Then he holds up two fingers and says, "BUT WITH THE GRACE OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS, I GOT 'EM BACK IN."  
  
Hoshi:  
  
Q: What is the hard part of eating vegetables?  
  
A: Getting around the wheelchair.  
  
Escargoon:  
  
Q: What is the theme song for beginning doctors?  
  
A:Oops I did it Again  
  
King Dedede:  
  
Q: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?  
  
A: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.  
  
(A/N: King Dedede's joke was so dirty, that if I told it, it would blow up my computer.)  
  
Everyone voted for Ni-Kaabi, except King Dedede and Escargoon, who both voted for King Dedede. Suddenly, they heard someone coming. "Metaknight Approachith!" Called Hoshi. Metaknight stops in front of them, gasping for breath, "Came....... As....... Quick....... as....... I....... could......" "Spit it out." said Kirby. Metaknight took a deep breath, "The reason the snow fell on us so suddenly is because the Ice Dragon's Brother, the Snow Dragon, is on the loose and he's after you." "Um.... Technically, isn't the Ice Dragon the same as the Snow Dragon?" said Kirby. "WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!?!?!? THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!" Everyone stared at Metaknight. "You need to be prepared for this fight. First, you must gather some toilet paper." Escargoon looked scared. "We've got that!" said Tuff. "Next, You need matches." "Got those!" Said King Dedede, holding up a book of matches labeled 'arson'. He sees the label and pulls it off, blushing. "Now stand on one leg and cluck like a chicken." "BRAWK BRAWK BRAWK!!" "Wait!! I bet that was NOT on the list of top priorities!!!" said Ni-Kaabi. "No, but it's been on my list of top priorities for years now. But now, we must travel to the Snow Dragon!  
  
***  
  
Our heroes walked on through the snow. There was not much going on, and everyone was really bored. as they settled dowqn to camp that night, King Dedede thought of something, "Hey, has anyone heard, Stink-Foot, by Frank Zappa? "No, Sing It!" So he began:  
  
~In the dark~ ~Where all the fevers grow~ ~Under the water~ ~Where the shark bubbles blow~ ~In the morning~ ~By yer Radio~ ~Do the walls close in t'suffocate ya~ ~You ain't got no friends, and all the others they hate ya~ ~Does the life you've been livin' gotta go, hmmmm?~ ~Well let me straighten you out~ ~About a place I know~ ~(Get yer shoes 'n' socks on people, it's right around the corner)~ ~Out through the night an' the whispering breezes to the place where they keep the imaginary diseases~ ~Out through the night an' the whispering breezes to the place where they keep the imaginary diseases~ (Spoken) This has to be the disease for you. Scientists call this disease bromidrosis, but us regular folk, who might wear tennis shoes or the occaisonal python boot know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of STINK-FOOT (Sung) ~Y'know my python boot is too tight~ ~I couldn't get it off last night~ ~A week went by~ ~An' now it's July~ ~ I finally got it off, an' my girlfriend cried, "You got stink-foot"~ ~Stink-foot darlin~ ~Your stink-foot puts a hurt on my nose~ ~Stink-foot, stink-foot I ain't lyin'. can ya rinse it off do you suppose?~ (Spoken) Here, Fido...Fido... C'mere little puppy... bring the slippers. "Arf arf arf (Right here the sound of breaking glass plays.) Heh heh heh... Sick. (A/N: Right Here, there is a long instrumental, so let's just say King Dedede hummed this part.) ~Well then Fido got up off the floor an' he rolled over and he looked me straight in the eye.~ ~An' you know what he said?~ ~Once upon a time~ ~Somebody say to me~ ~(This is a dog talkin' now)~ ~What is your conceptual continuity?~ ~Well I told him right there, Fido said~ ~It should be easy to see~ ~The crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe~ ~Well the man who was talkin' to the dog looked at the dog an' he said, sort of staring in disbelief~ ~"You can't say that"~ ~He said~ ~It doesn't. And you can't. I won't. An' it don't. It hasn't. It Isn't. It even Ain't. An' it shouldn't. It couldn't~ ~He told me no no no~ ~I told him yes yes yes~ ~I said I do it all the time~ ~Ain't this boogie a mess~ ~The poodle bi-i-i-ites, The poodle chews it~ ~The poodle bi-i-i-ites, The poodle chews it.~  
  
Everyone clapped and cheered. Then Metaknight looks around and says, "I think we can stop to camp here. It looks pretty safe to me. They all began to sit down around the campfire to eat, drink, and play truth or dare, except for metaknight who once had a bad experience with this game involving monkeys. "King Dedede, truth or dare? says Kirby. "Truth." Said King Dedede. "What was the grossest thing that ever happened to you?" "Well, it went like this......" Said King Dedede....  
  
*Flashback*  
  
King Dedede is trying to feed a baby monster that he attempted to keep as a pet. it appears to be a red baby dragon. she is trying to take the bottle from him.  
  
King Dedede: That's it little dragon. Eat th-  
  
(Suddenly, the baby dragon pukes all over him. Unfortunately for King Dedede, The dragon was a fire dragon, and her barf was like boiling chili.)  
  
King Dedede HOLY FREAKIN SH*T!!!! I'M BEIN' FRIED IN DRAGON VOMIT!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!  
  
(He continues to run around sceaming with the dragon watching.)  
  
*End of flashback*  
  
Kirby was laughing really hard by the end of the story. "Ha ha ha! How funny! you almost got pukefried!" King Dedede rolled his eyes, "Hoshi, Truth or dare?" "Dare." she said, grinning evily. King Dedede looks straight at Kirby and gives him that same evil grin. "I dare you to give Kirby a big kiss right here. Hoshi leans over. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Kirby tried to run, but King Dedede was holding him down. Hoshi puckered up, with everyone watching the scene in front of them. Hoshi lunged forward and planted a big, honkin' smooch on Kirby's mouth. She drew back. "How was it? said Ni-Kaabi. Kirby was thinking, "Mmmmmmmmm..... that was kinda nice." But he said, "It was just nasty." Hoshi slapped him and said, "Ni-Kaabi, truth or dare?" "Truth" He said. "What is your favorite TV show? Ni-Kaabi hesitated. "Um....... Powerpuff Girls?" All was silent for about 10 seconds. Then the whole clearing, even Ni-Kaabi, exploded into laughter. After everyone was done laughing themselves to quivering mounds of limp muscle, Ni-Kaabi said, "Okay, *Hee hee* Tuff, truth or dare? "Truth!" "Okay, um.... what was your most embarrassing moment?" "Well....... said Tuff...........  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Tuff is in the kitchen making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He spreads on some peanut butter, and some wierd-looking jelly. He takes a bite.  
  
Tuff: Mom, this sandwich tastes like sh*t.  
  
Lady Like: Watch your mouth, Tuff! And it tastes funny because that's petroleum jelly, not the kind you eat.  
  
(The scene closes with Tuff getting a look and running to the bathroom.)  
  
Everyone was laughing by the end of the story. Tuff turned beet red and hung his head. He said, Truth or dare, Tiff? Tiff thought for a moment and said, "Dare." "I dare you to put a rat down your clothes. I've got the rat right here." Tiff hesitated, then grabbed the rat and stuffed it down the back of her clothes, screaming bloody murder. By the time she got the rat out, she was white from fear. E-E-Escargoon? T-T-Truth or dare? "Truth." said Escargoon. "Okay, Um, What was the stupidest you ever did?" Well............ Escargoon started his story......  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Escargoon is trying to cut a little off his mustache......... with a pair of hedge clippers.  
  
Escargoon: Okay, let's see.........  
  
(He accidentally cuts off one side of his mustache.)  
  
Escargoon: D*MM*T!!! Well, now I have to cut off the other side........  
  
(He cuts his face.)  
  
Escargoon: OW, SH*T!!!  
  
(When he jerks the scissors, he accidentally cuts off his beard, and in the process, he cuts his other hand REALLY deeply.)  
  
Escargoon: SON OF A B*TCH!!!! Um....... King Dedede? I think I need to go to the hospital...  
  
(Cut to: KIng Dedede sewing up Escargoon;s hand by himself......... without anything to numb it so Escargoon is tied to a chair and gagged so he can't move or scream.)  
  
Escargoon: MMMMMMMMMPH!!! MMMMMM-MM-MMMMMMMMMMMMMPH!!!!  
  
King Dedede: Oh shut up. This was your fault.  
  
Escargoon: Mmm mmm mmph.  
  
King Dedede: Yes It was.  
  
Escargoon: Mmm mm-mph mm mm mmmph.  
  
King Dedede: HEY!!! Leave my mama outta this, or I'll cut your other hand!!!  
  
*End of flashback*  
  
Once again, Everyone had a good laugh over that before Escargoon said, "Okay, Kirby, Truth or dare?" "Dare!" he said. " I dare you to........ eat a raw piece of meat." "Where are we gonna get the meat?" said Kirby. "I have a piece of raw pork in my bag." Escargoon pulls it out of his backpack. The meat was green and rotten. "Hey!" said Kirby, "You said raw, not rotten!" "Well it's the best I could do." Said Escargoon, sticking his tongue out at Kirby. Kirby picked up the rotten pork. It smelled like the bathrooms at the park after the big chili festival. He looked at it........... looked at it........... and popped it in his mouth and swallowed. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW!!!" everyone in the clearing turned their heads and shut their eyes. "Yuck!" said King Dedede, "I can't believe you actually did it!!! That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen since Friday the 13th part 3!" Kirby looked up, "If I get sick. you're dead." "Hey, let's play 'I Never'!!!" said Ni-Kaabi. Everybody agreed. "I'll start." Said Ni-Kaabi, getting out a bottle of water. "I Never got drunk and spent all night talking to a water heater." Everyone except King Dedede took a drink. (A/N: In this game, If you agree with the statement, you take a drink.) King Dedede looked really embarrassed, took the bottle, and said, "I Never kissed an animal." Everyone except Hoshi took a drink. "What animal was it?" said Tiff. "It was a frog." said Hoshi. "I kissed him and he turned into Ni-Kaabi. But he was too young for me, so I kissed him again and I turned him back into a frog." "When did this happen?" said Tuff. "Just 5 minutes ago." said Hoshi. No one was sure if this was true or not. Hoshi picked up the bottle. "I've Never been pushed down a hill in a porta-potty. Everyone except Tuff and Metaknight took a drink. Tuff took the bottle next, "I Never thought lyme disease was a disease in limes." Everyone but Escargoon took a drink. He took the bottle and says, "I Never got food poisoning." Everyone but Kirby and King Dedede took a drink. "Kirby?" said Tiff, "When did you have it, cuz I REMEMBER when King Dedede had it." Kirby turned green. "Right now..." He ran to the bushes, where they heard him barfing. Since Kirby couldn't take the bottle, Metaknight did. "I never flashed an obscene hand gesture at a cop." Ni-Kaabi was the only person who didn't take a drink. He took the bottle. "I Never Kissed a member of the same sex." Only Tiff didn't take a drink. Everyone turned to look at her, so she yelled, "IT WAS ON A DARE!!!" At that moment, Kirby came from the bushes. "I'm sorry, Escargoon, but I must kill you now. He lunged at escargoon, who ran away like mad. Metaknight shot Kirby with a water gun. "OK, Kirby, no killing any members of the group. We need all of us for defeating the ghost and saving Miruku. It's late, so we should go to bed." Everyone agreeed, and walked to thier tents, saying good night as they went. Ni-Kaabi waddles up to Escargoon, "HEY!!! Snail guy? can you read me a bedtime story?" Escargoon really didn't want to, but the look King Dedede gave him told him he had no choice. So he followed Ni-Kaabi to his tent thinking, "Oh great. He's probably gonna ask me to read 'Pat the Bunny' or something." However, when he got to the tent, Ni-Kaabi picked up the book "The Shining" by Stephen King. So Escargoon began to read the book. Why he read this book to a 4-year-old chick, King Dedede would never be able to figure out, but he got up to the part where Jack goes nuts when King Dedede walked in and said, "Okay, son. Time for bed, you've been up for HOURS past your bed time." "Okay, Dad." said Ni-Kaabi. He put his head down and went right to sleep.  
  
***  
  
King Dedede was walking down the hall, holding an axe, and saying, "Ni- Kaabi....... come take your medicine.... Ni-Kaabi hid under the kitchen counter, trembling. The door bursts open. "COME TAKE YOUR MEDICINE, YOU LITTLE PUP!!! he said, and raised the axe. He swung it down and-  
  
***  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHH!!!!" Ni-Kaabi woke up screaming. He started to cry as everyone came in. King Dedede shook him. "Ni-Kaabi!! What's wrong? Are you hurt?!" Ni- Kaabi quit crying. "I dreamed you went nuts and tried to kill me!" then he started crying again. "Maybe he needs some Ny-Quil." said Escargoon. "Maybe you need to get off my butt." said King Dedede. Ni-Kaabi stopped crying. "That's okay, Dad, let him sit on it and rotate." "NI-KAABI!!!!" screamed King Dedede, "WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO TALK LIKE THAT?!?!?!" "It was the book that Mr. Escargoon read me." said Ni-Kaabi. "What book? said King Dedede. "It's "The Shining" said Kirby, "I distinctly remember that line." King Dedede looked at Escargoon with a look usually reserved for someone who has just hurt your child. "He brought it to me, and I just couldn't resist that cute little face!!!!" Escargoon yelled quickly. King Dedede stopped. "You ARE right." he said, "He IS a cute little sh*t." "You say that because he looks like you." said Tiff. King Dedede raised his hammer over her head. "But he IS really cute." added Tiff. Metaknight walked in, "Okay, everyone, back to bed! We've got a long way to go tomorrow.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, Everyone ate thier breakfast and continued the walk. King Dedede got tired of walking, so they stopped. He lies on the ground. "Hey, Ni-Kaabi! Watch this!" said King Dedede. King Dedede began to wave his arms and legs, and made a snow angel. Everyone started to laugh. "What's so funny?!" King Dedede says. "It's a fat snow angel wearing a miniskirt!!!" said Tuff. King Dedede punched him into a tree, then picked up a waterbottle and began to drink.....then said "Uh-oh" What is it? said Hoshi. King Dedede couldn't tell her, so he took his hand off the bottle to show her. The bottle was stuck to his beak, so naturally, everyone busted out laughing again. King Dedede got mad and attempted to rip the bottle off his face. He only suceeded in pulling so hard on his head that he fell down, and everyone laughed harder. Finally, Escargoon came to his rescue with some hot water to melt the ice. By then, Everyone was red in the face from laughing so hard. After that, King Dedede forced himself to keep walking. suddenly, they heard someone approaching.......  
  
End of chapter 13 


	14. What is this, a soap opera?

Chapter 14: What is this, a soap opera?!  
  
I don't own Fanfiction.net, DBZ, Kirby, The Shining, Chris Farley's underwear, Dos Equis  
  
I do own Hoshi, Ni-Kaabi and Miruku, so you can use them in your stories. just give me credit.  
  
Our heroes heard someone approaching them. They all held their breath in wait. the tension was as thick as the cloud of stench that billows from Chris Farley's underwear. It crashed through the bush with tremendous speed, It was......... Gokou from Dragonball Z. "'Scuse me" he said, "I'm looking for the Dragonball Z section of fanfiction.net." "It's in the Anime section." said Tuff, pointing the way."Thanks" said Gokou, and off he went. They continued on their respective journey to the Snow Dragon. they walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked...  
  
5 HOURS LATER...  
  
and walked and walked and walked and walked and- Suddenly, All of the gang, plus everyone reading my story, plus the democratic party, all yell, "WE GET THE IDEA!!!" Finally, Metaknight says, "It's time we settled down for the night. It's starting to get dark, and the coyotes will be out soon to dance in the middle of our heads and-" "Guess who's been hitting the Dos Equis a little too hard." said Tiff. Metaknight blushed. They set up camp to bed down for the night. within minutes, they were all seated around a crackling campfire, cooking marshmallows, weenies, fish, and anything else that would go on a stick. As they ate, they learned two things: #1: Kirby thinks eating marshmallows is inhumane, #2: King Dedede loves eating s'mores with fish, and #3: Ni-Kaabi can eat MUCH more that his father can. Hoshi suddenly turns to Kirby, "Kirby, can I see you behind the tents?" Kirby nervously followed Hoshi behind the tents "Oh, crap." he thought, "She's probably gonna ask about her candy bar." Hoshi stopped in front of Kirby and said, "Kirby, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I think you're a........ cute........ charming........... funny......... sexy little sh*t..........." Kirby wanted to know what was going on. "What's going on?" he said, stealing my narration. "Don't you get it?" said Hoshi "I'm hittin' on you. In other words....." She sings that line from that Lil Romeo song, "LET ME BE YOUR.......... GIRLFRIEND!" Kirby didn't know what to think. He had just noticed how pretty Hoshi was, even if she was insane. And she was sexy......... in a crazy, immature kind of way. Kirby finally got his voice out. He sounded like a boy going through puberty, "THis DOEsn't inVOLVE Any...yOU know DOES it?" Hoshi laughed REALLY loud, "No, no. I wanna get to know you first. Then after we're married, we'll go with it if you want to."  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, back at the camp, Escargoon got an idea. "Hey! just for fun, let's ask Hoshi to sing! We'll see how off key she is. Just then, Hoshi and Kirby came into the clearing. "Hey, Hoshi! sing for us!!!" said Escargoon. "Okay! said Hoshi. She began to sing................. in the most BEAUTIFUL voice they'd ever heard.  
  
~Now that she's back in the atmospere with drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey~ ~She acts like summer and walks like rain, reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey~ ~But tell me, did you sail across the sun?~ ~Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded~ ~And that heaven is overrated~ ~Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star~ ~One without a permanent scar,~ ~And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?~ ~Now that she's back from that soul vacation~ ~Tracin' her way throught the constellation hey, hey~ ~She checks out mozart while she does Tae Bo~ ~Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey~ ~But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet~ ~Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day~ ~And tell me, did you fall from a shooting star~ ~One without a permanent scar~ ~And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?~ ~Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken~ ~Your best friend always stickin' up for you~ ~Even when I know you're wrong~ ~Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance, 5 hour phone conversation~ ~The best soy latte that you ever had... and me.~ ~But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet~ ~Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day~ ~And tell me, did you fall from a shooting star~ ~One without a permanent scar~ ~And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?~ ~But tell me, did you sail across the sun?~ ~Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded~ ~And that heaven is overrated~ ~Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star~ ~One without a permanent scar,~ ~And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?~  
  
Everyone was absolutely stunned. They didn't think Hoshi, with her high, chirpy voice and western accent would sing very well. Kirby was the most dumbstruck. Standing there in the moonlight, her pink feathers shining, and her purple eyes looking down on him, she was SO beautiful. She was even prettier than when you catch you brother in your stuff and you beat the ever livin' snot out of him. Heck, had he been presented with a sexy naked model and Hoshi, he would have chosen her. At that moment, he realized he had the BIGGEST crush on her. Moreso than earlier. "Hello? Kirby?" King Dedede waved his hand in front of Kirby's face. "Are you home? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Kirby looked right at King Dedede. "I'm SO in love....." he said. "OOOOOOOOOOH! KIRBY AND HOSHI SITTIN' IN A TREE F-U-" "Um, King Dedede? This fic is PG-13 rated. let's keep it that way." said Metaknight. "Sorry. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! FIRST COMES LOVE! THEN COMES MARRIAGE! THEN COMES A BABY IN A BABY CARRIAGE! THAT'S NOT ALL! TH- *POW!!!* ouch.+_+" Hoshi stood there with King Dedede's hammer. "Gee." she said, "You look pretty hammered." "I take it you have no respect for the dead." said King Dedede. Ni-Kaabi glares at Hoshi. "You hurt my dad!" he said. and with that he..... um..... flipped Hoshi the birdie. "NI-KAABI!!!" everyone yelled. "Where's he learning this stuff?" said Escargoon. Everyone looked at King Dedede. "I DIDN'T TEACH HIM THAT!!!" said King Dedede, "HE PROBABLY LEARNED THEM FROM MIRUKU!!!" "Actually" said Ni-Kaabi, "I learned them from a book in Kirby's backpack." (A/N: To understand this, see chapter 11: the Computer Holy Wars.) "Ohhhhhhh, sh*t. said Kirby. King Dedede held out his hand. "Give me the book, Kirby." "NO!!!" said Kirby. "Then I'll hafta beat the crap out of you over it." With that, he beat the book out of Kirby's hands (Paws?) with his hammer. D*mn you, King Dedede. said Kirby. King Dedede hit him over the head with a frog, "DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF MY SON!!!" "Okay, okay, sorry...." said Kirby, "Don't go all John Macenrow on me." "Hey, where's Tuff? Suddenly, Tiff hears someone in her tent. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" she let out a war cry, charged into her tent and kicked the offender in the nuts. Everyone heard Tuff yell, "YEEEEEEEEOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!" "Uh......... whoops. Sorry, Tuff. But what were you doing in my tent?" "I..... was....... looking........ for........some........ toilet- paper............." Escargoon looked scared. "Time to turn in." said Metaknight. "Tomorrow we must go through............... THE HOUSE OF FEAR (bum bum bum.)" So they all bid each other good night and went off to bed.  
  
***  
  
Our heroes approached the old house. Metaknight led them inside. "Now stay together" he said, "If you are separated, you will fall victim to your worst fears." "Where's Escargoon? said Ni-Kaabi. "D*mn." said Metaknight.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Escargoon was walking (???) through the hall. "What the heck?" there was a room at the end of the hall. He turned into it and saw that it was a room full of octoroks in tanks. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" he screamed like he was being murdered.  
  
***  
  
"That scream! I think something terrible happened to Escargoon!!!" said King Dedede. Everyone dashed down the hall towards the scream, found the door, and tried to force it open. "It's stuck, what'll we do?!" said King Dedede.  
  
End of chapter 14 


	15. The Final Showdown

Chapter 15: Oh where, oh where has Majin Buu gone?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Kirby. Need I say more?  
  
"We gotta open that door!!! said Tiff. "Or else Escargoon could die of fright! All those monsters might be too much for him!!!" King Dedede was hammering the door so hard and so long, that his hands had erupted in crusty, red, oozing blisters under his gloves from them rubbing against the handle. Ni-Kaabi was slamming the door with his fists so violently that he now had three broken fingers. Metaknight was cutting the door with his sword, but to no avail. The panic filled the room like a noxious, butt scalding fart. Everyone stopped hitting the door. "Okay." said King Dedede, "What should we- ah............ ah............" He frantically began to search for something. Finally, The king whips out a paper bag. "ah.................... Ah.................. AHCHOO!!!" He sneezed into it, and they could hear about a pint of snot hit the bottom of the bag. "*Snork* Okay, now, as I was saying, What should we do?" Everyone was staring at the bag of snot. Then they heard Hoshi chanting.  
  
Homina homina....... ommmmmmmmmmmm...... ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm tres hada mi ma fan yao fushigi yugi homina homina ommmmmmmmmmmm......  
  
The door began to glow.......  
  
Hoo haa baka watashi kawa Chris Farley haaaaaaaa oh yo ma-ma tofu daaaaaaaaaaah......  
  
The lock turned red hot......  
  
Ominaominaominaomina............. haaaaaaaaaaa-ommmmmmmmmmmmm Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Majin Buu, lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala............ o'kala kawa he no la kawa hena nowa la ha mu'ha es'kusa myla heko mai'a naka le naka le na howa, stay off my lawn..............  
  
It melted........  
  
Ma ma se ma ma sa ma ma coo sa, hakari ikura haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... hoha ohana komiko poi-poi halahana homina hapa haole............  
  
Then the knob turned and the door opened. Escargoon came running out. "HOLY............CRAP!!! THAT................WAS SCARY........." His eyes were really big. Suddenly, He noticed the bag. "Hey, watch this!" He blew up the bag and popped it. All I will say after that is that everyone ended up soiling the curtains trying to clean off. From behind them, they hear out of the blue, "Ewwwwwwwww..... Buu all snotty!!" in a high- pitched voice. Standing behind them, even bigger than King Dedede, pink like Kirby, and rubbery like badly made jell-o, Majin Buu was behind them. (A/N: I mean the big, fat cute one, not that evil ugly thing.) He was rubbing the snot off on his clothes. Everyone stared in shocked silence. Finally, King Dedede asked, "Why aren't you in the Dragonball Z section?" "Buu go looking for chocolate. Get lost and wind up here. Then find chubby bird and friends. Buu still not find chocolate. So sad." King Dedede thought for a moment. Then he spoke, " Tell you what. If you'll stick around, we'll help you get back to the DBZ section." Suddenly, Ni-Kaabi began to tremble... They're here.... The ghost appeared from one way, followed by the dragon... Who was holding Miruku. "Help....me..... said the blue snail with the red and yellow striped shell" "MIRUKU!!!" screamed Ni Kaabi. He turned blood red, "Give him back!!!" King Dedede held him back, "Don't worry, we'll get them! Hang back and we'll finish him off so you don't get hurt." King Dedede jumped at the ghost.......... he went through. He tried to hammer it, No go. He flailed violently trying somehow, some way to hurt that ghost. Suddenly, King Dedede felt the feathers on the back of his neck freeze. "King Dedede! Look out!!!" Yelled Tiff. He jumped just in time to avoid the dragons' icy breath. Another blast of ice breath sent him flying as he lept out of the way, The dragon lashed out with its tail like it was fighting death itself, it missed but fired one more lightning fast whip of his tail. King Dedede, thinking either quickly, or not at all, Smashed his mallet into the dragon's tail with a crack loud enough to deafen a deaf person. The bone was shattered, and fragments had come firing out of the wound and showered the floor with bits of bone and drops of crimson blood. the tail literally exploded from the impact, into a burst of mangled flesh, bone, and blood. The dragon roared in pain and blasted its ice breath at King Dedede desparately trying to injure him in return for mangling his tail. King Dedede fired off the ground as if he'd stepped on a landmine to avoid the dragon's breath. Then, with sickening horror, as he hit the floor, King Dedede realized that that was just what the dragon wanted him to do. The blast hit Escargoon square in the chest, it froze him so badly that as soon as the ice hardened, it exploded, and Escargoon fell to the ground, injured from the ice shards that had punctured his skin. King Dedede didn't know if he was okay. "NOOOOO!!!!" He hadn't really thought of it before, but Escargoon was really the only friend he ever had. "YOU B@ST@RD!!! He yelled, I'M GONNA SLASH YOU OPEN, PULL OUT YOUR GUTS, AND MUTILATE YOUR F****** HEAD!!!!!" King Dedede was using words he never knew he knew. For the very first time since his father was slaughtered right in front of him that horrible day, back in his childhood, he felt like he'd just been stabbed. The enraged penguin dealt another crushing blow right to the dragons wound. While the dragon was roaring in pain, King Dedede, who was crying, yelled "KIRBY!!! GET'CHA @SS OUT HERE AND HELP ME KILL THIS F****** LIZARD!!! Kirby rushed into the fight with King Dedede. He was waiting for the snow dragon to blow ice. "Buu help!!!" Screeched Buu, and he joined in the fight. Buu aimed a punch straight into the dragon's neck, breifly choking him, while Kirby waited for an opening A sword sliced the dragons blue hide as if it were cutting butter. Metaknight had joined the fray now. "Kirby! Take this!" Metaknight tossed a straight pin at him. "Thanks, Metaknight!" Kirby swallowed The spike and became, what else? Needle Kirby. He jumped and slammed his needles into the snow dragon's skin. The dragon roared in pain, but was still up.Suddenly, They heard Tiff and Tuff scream..... In one fell swoop, they were on the ground, beaten within an inch of their lives.  
  
***  
  
Kirby's POV: I saw the two of them hit the ground right after the ghost choked them into submission. It was a horrible sight. It felt like I'd lost a piece of myself. I knew they were okay, but that they didn't have long to live. Suddenly, I felt that we had to kill these beasts. Who were they to break up families, and permenantely end friendships? It made me so mad that I Actually began to see red...  
  
***  
  
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!" cried Kirby, and he lashed out with his needles. He stuck the dragon reapeatedly, tearing flesh and muscle with each twisting blow. He made darn sure it hurt. It actually pleasured him to hear this horrible beast in such pain. He twisted harder and harder, until he felt his needles scrape the bone. The dragon was screeching loudly, as he was attacked from all sides. The snow dragon lashed out with his tail. Kirby never knew what hit him. His needles shattered, and he felt himself fly across the chamber. Kirby blacked out just then.  
  
***  
  
Kirby's POV: The last thing I saw as I hit the floor was the dragon bearing down on me to kill me. My final thought was, Sorry, Tiff, Tuff, and Hoshi.....  
  
***  
  
"KIRBY!!!" Yelled Meatknight. Suddenly, he was whacked by the dragon's tail from above, and knocked out. A bright light surrounded Buu, and he was electrocuted right where he stood. King Dedede frantically looked around. Only Hoshi and Ni-Kaabi were left, but he didn't want Hoshi to die, and Ni-Ksaabi was too young. He was iced by the dragon from behind. The ghost used its electicity power on King Dedede, Badly Electrocuting him.  
  
***  
  
King Dedede's POV: I was scared. Ni-Kaabi was gonna die, just because I couldn't defeat a stupid dragon. I mentally told him I was sorry.  
  
***  
  
"N-No........... No........... It can't be..............." Ni- Kaabi had tears streaming down his face as he stared in shocked silence at his father's motionless body. He began to turn blood red. His eyes glowed. "Hoshi, get out! You could be hurt!!!" Hoshi ran from the chamber. Ni-Kaabi's flower glowed. "EAT THIS, THIS IS FOR KILLING MY FATHER!!!" Thousands of razor-sharp leaves cut into the dragon, stripping its skin off. It let go of Miruku, who ran from the chamber as fast as he could. Next, He began to puff up his body, and fired a boiling hot blast of acid directly at the dragon, dissolving almost all of his muscles. The dragon was now at his complete mercy. Finally, Ni-Kaabi began to spark..... He glowed white hot......... Then suddenly electricity exploded from his body with such force that the dragon fried, and the ghost crackled, then vaporized.  
  
***  
  
When the dust had settled, Miruku and Hoshi came back. "Quick, Miruku, use your healing power!" said Ni-Kaabi. One by one, Miruku healed everyone's wounds As everyone woke up, they all hugged and praised Ni-Kaabi for saving them all. "Now we can go home!!! said King Dedede. "Wait! We have to return Buu" said Tiff. Suddenly, I come into the picture. "That's gonna be the sequel to this story!" and our herores set off for the next adventure.  
  
CONTINUED IN THE SEQUEL, "AN EVEN MORE SCREWED UP KIRBY STORY"!!!  
  
KingDedede114: So did you like it? My sequel will be coming soon, so don't miss it!!! 


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